


Contrite

by That_One_Random_Guy



Series: Steven Universe Stories [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Child Death, F/F, Garnet just wants to get back together, Happy Ending, Lighthearted moments, Pearl freaks out, Peridot is confused, Prison Escape, Shattering - Freeform, Some Humor, Someone gets shattered, Space Jail, Steven Hurt, Steven just wants to go home, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Character Death, Temporary child death, This isn't even angst, Whump, hehe, lapis is sad, mostly sad, this is just pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-01-23 07:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 21,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21316510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_One_Random_Guy/pseuds/That_One_Random_Guy
Summary: con·triteadjectivefeeling or expressing remorse or penitence; affected by guilt.When the Crystal Gems are defeated and brought back to prison on Homeworld, unlikely allies will be made to regain their freedom. But when shards fall and a devastating loss tears the gems apart, they must find a way to save the one who means the most to all of them.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Lapis Lazuli & Peridot (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Pearl & Steven Universe, Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Rose Quartz/Greg Universe, Ruby/Sapphire (Steven Universe), Steven Universe & Everyone, lowkey Peridot/Lapis Lazuli
Series: Steven Universe Stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539886
Comments: 205
Kudos: 143





	1. All Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for deciding to give this a read! Please like, comment, etc., It really boosts my motivation! Thanks and Ily! This story will be updated every day so keep a lookout!

Pearl opened her eyes with a gasp, falling to the ground on her hands and knees. Dazed and confused, she sat back and looked around. She was in a barren, metal-encased room, a yellow light barrier blocking her from exiting. Because of the colored wall, everything outside the cell, or what Pearl could see of it at least, was tainted with the same color. Where was she? What was going on?

Suddenly, recollections of the previous events rammed into her with full force, making her tremble and press her hands to the floor to steady herself. Garnet--they had poofed her, separated Ruby and Sapphire; they were probably interrogating them as she sat here. Ruby wouldn’t talk, she was too proud. Sapphire would state bits and pieces, but not enough to get anyone hurt, just enough for the interrogators to feel as though they’d won. Amethyst--She had fought against the homeworld gems that had invaded Earth, her home, with vigor. They had poofed her too. Pearl suddenly wondered where the purple quartz was in relation to her cell. Were they interrogating her too? Would she say anything? And what about Peridot, Bismuth, and Lapis? They had been fighting too. Pearl was poofed before she had seen what happened to them. Suddenly, all her thoughts went quiet as she was struck with a terrifying image.

“Steven,” She whispered, digging her fingers against the metal floor in terror. What in the stars would they be doing to him? They knew he had Rose’s gem, they had seen him use his powers during the fight. Surely they wouldn’t just interrogate him. If she was being completely true to herself, they probably already sha-

“No!” She cried, slamming a fist against the floor as she broke free of the idea, the very thought making her want to sob. She took in several breaths, trying to calm herself down and fight against the trembling of her thin limbs. 

“Hey, quiet down in there!” A voice sounded outside her door as a purple gem slammed her fist against the wall outside her cell. She had jumped at the sound and whipped around, only to see an Amethyst guard facing the other way again. Another Amethyst guard jabbed her with her elbow harshly.

“Hey! You know we’re not supposed to talk to the prisoners!” The second Amethyst whisper-yelled, glaring at the first. The first just shrugged and crossed her arms. Pearl scrabbled to her feet, seeing an opportunity.

“Amethysts! Please, do you know where my friends are?” Pearl pleaded, getting as close to the wall of yellow as she dared without shocking herself. One Amethyst, the first, turned at the sound, widening her eyes. The second nudged her again, scowling.

“A Kyanite will be here shortly to begin your interrogation. Remain quiet until she arrives” The second Amethyst growled without turning, making Pearl frown. She was trying her best to get them to spill and tell her where her friends were located.

“Can you at least tell me if they are safe? Please, I just need to be sure they are safe!” Pearl begged, tears slipping out of her eyes as she stared miserably at the guards. The first Amethyst, of whom Pearl had now nicknamed Flout, turned for a split second before looking away.

“The Bismuth and Amethyst are safe. The Bismuth is loud, but the Amethyst is co-operating. The fusion was split and is being held in separate cells, but they are otherwise unharmed. I don’t know about the other three, I haven’t seen them,” Flout spoke smoothly, ignoring a shocked glare from the other Amethyst. Pearl felt her heart lift a little at the news of her friends’ wellbeing before it dropped again as she realized Steven, Peridot, and Lapis were still in danger. She nodded to herself, a new goal set in her mind.

“Thank you” She whispered to the Amethyst that had shared the news with her. “I won’t forget this” 

She was sure she must have imagined the look of hope in Flout’s eyes. 

“Go sit and wait for Kyanite, I don’t want to hear your whiny voice anymore” Flout’s voice was rough, though Pearl was certain she heard an underlying note of appreciation in her tone. She sat and waited.

Moments later, a tall, indigo gem that was adorned with a yellow, diamond-shaped suit lowered the golden wall and stepped in, sealing it behind her. Pearl watched the Amethysts turn and walk away, catching a glace from Flout before they were gone. Then she focused on the gem, metaphorical heart pounding as she took notes on a screen. Then the screen was down and the gem stared deep into her eyes, a big, slightly unsettling smile settling on the tall gem’s face.

“Heya, sugar. I’m Kyanite 8X2 Faucet 6 and I’m here to ask you a few questions.”


	2. Condemned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading so far! Ily all and please kudo, comment, etc! It keeps me motivated lol

“I’ve been assigned to you and two of your other friends; direct orders from Yellow Diamond,” Kyanite smiled, giving off an unsettling yet strangely warm feeling. Pearl gulped from where she sat, a nervous smile on her mouth. This gem was acting too nice, and red flags were blaring in Pearl’s mind.

“My other friends? Which ones?” Pearl blurted, clasping her hands together as she looked at Kyanite hopefully. Kyanite’s smile shifted to a frown uneasily quickly. 

“You are to speak when spoken to. I ask the questions, not you, understand?” Kyanite snarled, angrily taking notes on one of her screens. Pearl nodded, though a defiant frown was firmly plastered on her face. Then Kyanite smiled again as if nothing had happened.

“I am assigned to the Amethyst, and a Peridot” Kyanite informed her, engaged in her note-taking. After a few moments of silence, she turned to look at Pearl again.

“You fought alongside Rose Quartz, yes?”

“Yes” Pearl whispered, pain and grief stabbing her where her heart would be. She had always loved Rose and swore on the day that her leader died she would never love anyone more. Though, she thought now that she might love Steven more, in a different way. At first, she had despised the child for taking her love away from her. At some points, she had even considered some...morbid ideas. But slowly the boy had wormed his way into her heart, making her cherish him in a way she never cherished Rose. Like a mother.

“Tell me, how many Crystal Gems are left on Earth?” Kyanite asked with a sharp tone, eyes narrowed. Pearl knew what this was. This was no normal interrogation. This was a Kyanite. She could force Pearl to tell the truth, it was her power. Pearl felt her mouth move before she could stop it.

“None that aren’t corrupted or shattered. We keep corrupted gems bubbled away in the temple” no, no, no! Pearl quickly covered her mouth with her hands, willing herself to stop talking. “We’ve tried to heal them, but it never stays”

“Interesting” Kyanite took more notes as Pearl started hyperventilating. What would Kyanite ask next? What if it was important?

“Who is your leader?” Kyanite’s next question took her off guard. It was so simple, so easy to answer. However, she was afraid answering would put Garnet in danger. Though, of course, she had no choice.

“Garnet. The fusion of the Ruby and the Sapphire.” She stifled the next words into her hand, biting down to stop herself from talking. She had just been about to mention Rose’s death, but she didn’t want to draw any attention to Steven, wherever he was. _I hope he’s okay…_

“I see. Just one more question, then I’m leaving,” Kyanite leaned in close, uncomfortably close if you asked Pearl. She paused for a moment as if forcing herself to keep calm. 

“Who shattered Pink Diamond?” 

Pearl started to shake violently, hands flying to her mouth and covering it. She was fighting against Kyanite’s power and the power Pink Diamond put on her to never speak a word of their plan. She squinted her eyes, breaking through mental walls. She couldn’t say it was her; they’d shatter her on the spot. She couldn’t say the truth, they wouldn’t listen and the curse was too powerful for even her to brake. Without thinking, she let her mouth move. 

“Rose. Rose did it,” She murmured, head down, eyes lowered. She had made her choice. She had no idea what power the single choice had over the lives of her friends. Of her family. The Kyanite stood abruptly and walked out without another word, sealing the door behind herself. Pearl stared at her hands, trembling violently. What had she done? She was smart, Pearl knew why Kyanite had asked her that question. She knew who she had just condemned instead of herself. 

She curled onto her side, tears spilling from her eyes as she imagined the face of her sacrifice. She sobbed. She hadn’t realized what she’d done right away, and now, she can’t take it back. 

“I’m so sorry, Steven…” 


	3. A Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading so far! Please leave kudos and comments if you like the story, it really boosts my motivation!

Pearl sat with her back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling with empty eyes. It had been a few days since Kyanite had interrogated her and she was getting antsy from being cooped up in her cell. She supposed she could try sleeping, though she wanted to be alert in case something happened while she was out. She’d heard Amethyst, her Amethyst’s, voice coming from around the corner the other day, but she never walked by. Pearl had called for the purple gem but she doubted that anyone, let alone Amethyst, heard her. 

“I don’t know why you don’t just shatter me” Pearl chatted aloud, knowing that her Amethyst guards could hear her. Flout, the nicer of the two that she decided to nickname, tensed, as if about to turn, before seemingly changing her mind. “What use is a renegade Pearl to the diamonds?”

“Quiet, or we’ll start considering it” The second Amethyst snorted, smirking at her fellow guard. Flout smiled back, though it was half-hearted, and her eyes kept finding Pearl’s. Pearl could tell something was up with this Amethyst, as if she knew something, or held something she wasn’t telling. 

“Hey, hey! I’m walking, you don’t need to shove!” A strikingly familiar voice made Pearl jump to her feet, racing towards the yellow barrier of her cell. _Peridot!_

“Peridot!” She yelled as loud as she could, hoping the gem could hear her. “Peridot!!”

“Huh?” Peridot paused and turned from her spot in the center of the hallway, eyes wide as she saw Pearl. Peridot looked different, which told pearl that the short gem had been poofed as well. Her visor was bigger and made her hair look almost star-shaped. She wore yellow boots and her gem was showing. Pearl smiled as she noticed the green gem adorned a large star on her chest. She was also being escorted by two large orange gems with deep frowns etched into their faces. 

“Pearl!” Peridot broke free of her captors’ holds and made a beeline for her friend, panicking as she reached the door. The second Amethyst, the guard, tried to grab hold of her, but Peridot was faster. Flout looked absolutely panic-stricken, not knowing what to do. As Peridot noticed her own guards racing after their escapee, she quickly turned to Pearl.  
“Pearl, have you seen Lapis?” She asked hurriedly, eyes wild with terror. Pearl was taken aback, shaking with fear for her friend.

“N-no I haven’t. W-why? What happened?”

“They took her! I can’t find her! And where’s Steven??” Peridot gasped as one of her guards grabbed her arm and began hauling her away again. The green gem struggled and kicked, trying to regain freedom. Pearl gaped in shock, watching her friend get dragged away. With a chorus of ‘No!’s and ‘Unhand me!’s. Where were they taking her? 

“Peridot!” Pearl called as their struggle faded into the distance, the guards having dragged Peridot into a different holding area. “Peridot” Pearl meant for it to be a yell, but all that came out was a miserable whisper. Flout turned back to look at her, an urgent message in her eyes. Pearl couldn’t decipher it, as hard as she tried. 

“A feisty one. Those Jaspers have their hands full, huh? They’d be better off shattering that one; she’s not worth the trouble” The second Amethyst laughed, nudging Flout. Flout nodded sheepishly as Pearl blanched. Shatter her? Is that where they were going? 

“Shatter her?” Pearl whimpered. Flout looked away uneasily as the second Amethyst smiled widely, turning around with energy Pearl didn’t even know she had.

“Yeah! Do you think they’ll use the pulverizer?!” She excited asked Flout, stared back, dumbfounded and confused at her companion’s sudden excitement. 

“Uh, maybe?” She replied, shrugging. She then turned halfway around, eyes sparkling. “I heard they’ve planned to shatter one of your friends in three days” She whispered. The second Amethyst’s eyes widened in horror.

“8XH! You know we can’t tell her stuff like that!” The first Amethyst whisper-yelled, anger taking over her features and replacing the previous excitement.

“Who? Which one are they shattering??” Pearl was instantly on edge, fearing the worst.

“Oh stars, I’m sorry, 8XK, I forgot!” Flout whispered back, hands on her head as if she were panicking.

“Who are they shattering??” Pearl yelled, silencing both the Amethysts and shocking herself with her volume. She took a deep breath as the two Amethysts turned away again, backs to her barrier. They ignored her. 

Defeated, Pearl swerved and sat back down against the wall, dragging her legs in until she had her arms wrapped around them tightly. She laid her head on top of her knees, fear lighting up her brain. Which one of her friends would she never see again?


	4. A New Ally; A Lost Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya to anyone reading this. Recently, my Papa passed away and we held a wake for him today. I'm kinda torn up so I might take some time off from writing. Chapter 5 is nearly done so I will probably still post that tomorrow though. Honestly, I probably will keep writing anyway but I figured I might as well give a heads up in case I don't. Love ya'll <3

Pearl could barely see anything. The lights had gone off unexpectedly during what would have been nighttime, had she still been on Earth. The ship was nearly pitch black and her guards were nowhere to be found. She leaped to her feet, dashing to her door and reaching out to test if the yellow screen was still there. As she yelped and pulled her hand away, she realized it was, in fact, still there. She tried looking around for anyone to help her but couldn’t see anything in the darkness. Then, suddenly, someone spoke, making her jump and yell.

“Shhh! It’s me! I’m breaking you out!” She recognized that voice. _Flout??_ She heard buttons being pressed and, after several moments of suspense, the barrier came crashing down. Pearl gasped and ran out, only to be grabbed by the wrist and pulled in a random direction.

“Gah! Where are you taking me?!” Pearl whisper-yelled, panic taking hold of her. Flout turned back for a moment, determination flashing in her eyes.

“To get your friends” She replied simply, turning sharply down a corridor and yanking on Pearl’s wrist. Pearl stifled a cry as continued on, searching every empty cell for her friends. They turned down many hallways and took so many turns that Pearl was sure she would never get back on her own, even if she wanted to.

“Why did the lights go out? Did you do that?” She whispered, stepping around a piece of broken something, praying to the stars it wasn’t a gem. Pearl could see Flout smile and chuckled quietly. “So you’re a rebel then?”

“Yes” Flout murmured, turning once again. Pearl’s eyes widened at this. There were rebels on Homeworld? How many more were there? She was about to ask that very question when suddenly the lights were back on and gems came rushing in.

“Run!” Flout yelled, pushing Pearl ahead of her as they dashed down the corridor. Pearl nearly tripped, only stabilizing herself with some help from her newfound ally. She nodded gratefully as a yell sounded behind them, making Pearl run even faster, if that was possible. 

Then someone else grabbed her arm, pulling her and Flout down a separate, more hidden hallway. Pearl’s eyes flashed over and met those of a friend.

“Bismuth!” She whispered, covering her mouth with her hands as tears welled in her eyes. Bismuth looked down at her with a smile, before pressing her back to the wall.

“Shhh” She whispered, placing a single finger on her lips to motion for silence. Pearl watched as gems fled down the opposite hallway, avoiding the rebels completely. Breathing a sigh of relief she turned to her friend and leaped at her, wrapping her arms around Bismuth’s neck in a hug. Bismuth hugged her back with one arm while laughing happily. 

“Pearl! I knew I’d come back for you!” It was then that pearl even noticed Peridot, huddled behind Bismuth. She smiled wider and pulled her into a hug too. Once everyone was settled, Bismuth took the lead, nodding to Flout before starting off. They went down several more hallways before finding one with a small hole in the wall. 

“We go in there? But it’s too small, we’ll never fit!” Pearl grit her teeth and stared at Bismuth in shock. Bismuth lightly tapped Pearl’s gem, a reminder of their powers.

“Oh, I get it! We’re gonna shapeshift! Only one problem: I can’t do that” Peridot reminded them flatly, crossing her arms and frowning. Pearl moved her mouth to speak again, about to suggest they find another way before Peridot cut her off.

“No, it’s fine, really. I’ll find another way, you guys go” Peridot smiled at them as they nodded and shapeshifted, squeezing into the small hole one after another. Then she turned around. Right into two Jasper soldiers. The small gem yelped and shrank back, raising an arm in a meager attempt at defense. Pearl gasped from where she hid in the hole in the wall. Jasper number one smirked and cocked her head.

“Where do you think you’re going, runt?” She snarled, raising an arm to strike. Before the hit could land, Pearl was surprised to see the Jasper go flying from an attack from behind. 

“Don’t touch her!” The new gem spat, sending another kick at the other Jasper, who dodged and leaped, clashing with the blue gem.

“Lapis!” Peridot yelled, tears evident in her eyes as she looked at her roommate. Lapis didn’t turn around but dug her now sandaled feet into the floor and threw the Jasper back. Lapis was covered in scratches that were clearly obtained before the fight and suddenly Pearl was horrified at what the Homeworld gems might have done to her friend.

“Go!” Lapis growled to Peridot, who sprang up and frowned defiantly. “Run!”

“No! I have to help, I’m not leaving without you!” Peridot flung herself at the other Jasper, blinding her and clawing at her eyes. Part of Pearl itched to join in, but she swallowed it down, knowing she would sabotage their safe hiding spot. She had to let these two handle this.

“Peridot” Lapis gnarled, frustration evident on her face as the Jasper attacked again. Pearl was wondering how this fight was affecting Lapis mentally. After all, she had been fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean for months, this must be bringing back some pretty awful memories for her. She saw when Lapis used the rest of her energy, sending Jasper flying one last time and watching as she went through the wall. The second Jasper grumbled and threw Peridot away, retreating back the way she came.

“We did it! Lapis, you did great! And did you see what I did? I was like ‘Nyeh, take that!’ and you were all ‘Grr run away and let me handle this’” Peridot had a big smile plastered on her face as she looked at her roommate. Lapis looked away, and Pearl could tell she was fighting a blush.

“I told you to run. I don’t want you to get hurt, Peridot” Lapis sighed, pulling the green gem in for a hug. They released each other and stepped back, small smiles on both their faces. 

Suddenly, Peridot’s face turned to one of terror. “Lapis, move!”

But it was too late. The Jasper that had gone through the wall came running back with her helmet on and slammed it into Lapis’ back--into her _gem_, Pearl realized with a jolt. She barely managed to hold back a scream. Lapis shared one last terrified look with Peridot before she was gone in a cloud of smoke, leaving sparkling blue shards to tumble onto the floor.


	5. Freedom Isn't Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This is the last chapter for a while, as I'm taking a break for the weekend. Hope ya'll understand! Enjoy the chapter! <3

When they had crawled through the hole, it led to a tunnel. The tunnel opened up into a large room, where Pearl was overjoyed to see various gems. Most were strangers to her, but Flout told her that they were also rebels, searching for a place to hide. Flout had brought them to their current hiding place. Pearl, however, was more concerned about the ones she knew. Like Amethyst, who turned from her conversation with a ruby and, upon seeing Pearl, broke into a smile as ran at her, tackling her into a hug. Only then did Pearl realize the Ruby was her Ruby. She ran over too, but her face held more worry than relief. 

“Pearl” The small red gem’s voice was tight with anxiety. “Have you seen Sapphire? I can’t find her anywhere and I-” She cut herself off at Pearl’s quizzical expression, clearly realizing Pearl had no information regarding her partner. She huffed and crossed her arms before alarm flashed over her and she whipped back around to stare at Pearl.

“Wait. Have you seen Steven?” the question took the tall gem by surprise. Did no one know where Steven was? Ruby’s eyes were scared and she took a deep breath before continuing. “Sapphire said something about him before they took her away, and we all know she has future vision so it has to be important!”

“What did she say?” Amethyst spoke up, eyes wide as she ran a hand through her hair tensely, body rigid. 

“I don’t remember??!!” Ruby suddenly yelled, putting her hands on either side of her head. “I really need to listen better! Uuuaagh!” She slammed a fist against the ground and sunk to her knees.

“Wait, P” Amethyst halted Pearl as she turned to walk away, frustration making her want to run. “When Bismuth left, she took Peridot with her. Where did she go?”

Pearl took a deep breath; this wasn’t gonna be easy. “They took her, a Jasper did, I mean. And Lapis-” She choked on a sob, refusing to think about how her friend had been shattered moments prior. She wanted to end the story there, but Amethyst was staring at her expectantly. 

“A Jasper got her, too” Pearl jumped at Bismuth came up behind her, laying a hand on her shoulder. In her other hand was a purplish-blue tinted bubble containing the shards of their friend. They had gone back once the Jasper had left, pulling a screaming Peridot along with her, and scavenged as many shards as they could. Pearl looked up at Bismuth’s face, surprised to see tears staining it. Of course. Bismuth had been close with both Peridot and Lapis since they had first met, and had nearly moved in with the two. She had chosen to stay at the Temple, however, convinced that Steven needed protection. Though, she had never said this to his face because he would most certainly deny it. _Steven._ Where was he? _How_ was he? If the Homeworld gems had laid even a single finger on him Pearl swore she would-

“No way. No. T-that’s--That can’t be--?” Amethyst’s frail voice broke through her thoughts, making her realize that the short purple gem had reached for the bubble, and was now holding it in her own hands as she sniffed. Ruby had tears in her eyes too, covering her mouth with her hands. The small gem looked away sharply, throwing her hands down into fists as she clenched her teeth.

“How many of us have to be shattered before we’re free?” She growled brokenly, bringing her legs up and drawing herself into the fetal position. Amethyst sunk down until she was sitting beside her friend, staring at the bubble in her hands. Tears trailed down the quartz’s face and Pearl felt the same liquid burning hers. At the previous commotion, several gems had now gathered around the three, asking who had been shattered. Bismuth reluctantly answered their questions as Pearl crouched to Amethyst and Ruby’s level.

“We’ll get them back; Sapphire, Peridot, and Steven. And who knows, maybe we’ll be able to get Lapis back too?” Pearl spoke lightly, rubbing circles on Ruby’s back. She was trying to be optimistic, she really was. But it was hard to find the light in the situation when they were light years away from their home, surrounded by the enemy, and down three members. 

“You can’t get back a gem who’s been shattered” Ruby mumbled bitterly, wiping tears away from her face. Suddenly her eyes widened and she sprang to her feet. “That’s it!”

“W-What’s it?” Flout, who had been previously watching from the crowd, spoke up.

“That’s what Sapphire said! Before they took her away! They planned on shattering him!” Pearl felt her eyes widen and, suddenly, the tears were back, Ruby’s words hitting her twice as hard as any weapon. _We have to find Steven, and fast._


	6. The Search

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Chapters will continue to be posted regularly now! Thanks for reading so far! <3

“We need to find Steven” Bismuth concluded after several moments of shocked silence. Most of the gems that surrounded the huddled team looked towards her with a blank stare, including Flout, who looked especially uneasy.

“Who’s Steven?”

“That hybrid?”

“Oh! Rose Quartz!”

“How?” The unsettled Amethyst asked, tuning out the questions, her eyes meeting those of Bismuth, who stared back with determination. Pearl absently rubbed her Amethyst’s back, with the latter still holding onto the bubble containing Lapis’ shards. 

“We search. We scour the entire building, the entire _Homeworld_ if we have to! We can not, under any circumstances, let the Diamonds get their hands on him! Who knows what they’ll do to him? Who knows what they’ve done already? We can’t waste any more time! Ruby, Topaz 6YH, Jasper 9XG, come with me. We’re going to search for Steven, Peridot, and Sapphire” Bismuth commanded, signaling for them to follow as she led the way to the entrance. While the other named gems sighed and followed, reluctant to put their lives on the line, Ruby eagerly jumped to her feet and raced to catch up with Bismuth.

As the search party left, the gathered gems dispersed and began chattering anxiously in small groups. After several moments, or maybe an hour, Pearl wasn’t sure, she caught Flout’s eyes and the Amethyst started towards her, settling on the floor beside the tall gem and Amethyst, who looked over as the other quartz approached.

“Was that your friend?” Flout asked, shifting so that she could see the bubble with Lapis’ shards. Amethyst nodded mutely, looking away and sniffing. Pearl wiped at her eyes; where did those tears come from? She was never close with Lapis. In fact, she had loathed the blue gem at first, not only for her dismal attitude, but because she had stolen the ocean, made them search for weeks on end to find her horrid fusion, and tried to kill Steven. But now, after seeing the gem so brutally shattered, she wasn’t sure how she felt. It was unfair, for sure, but she wasn’t exactly depressed by it. Amethyst seemed to feel worse, if the tears trailing down her face were anything to go by.

“I’m sorry” Flout sighed, drawing her knees in and laying her head on top of them. Pearl looked at her in sympathetic confusion.

“About what?”

“The Diamonds. The Jail cells. Homeworld. The cruelty. Really, what is there not to be sorry for?” 

“Well, you’re not like them. You shouldn’t be sorry about that”

“I used to be one of them”

“So was I. We all make mistakes”

“You were a Homeworld gem? Who did you belong to?” Flout asked, suddenly perking up, interest sparking in her dark purple eyes. With a nervous glance at her Amethyst, Pearl decided she had nothing to lose.

“Pink Diamond” She muttered, lips forming a scowl as Flout stared at her, speechless. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable, as if she shouldn’t have said that. Amethyst was gaping at her now too, disbelief evident in her eyes. 

“_Pink Diamond??_” Flout gasped, making Pearl wince away as if she’d been punched. Flout noticed this and quickly backtracked. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! That must be a sensitive subject for you.”

Pearl nodded and tried to ignore Anethyst’s gaze, which bore into her relentlessly. Flout turned and looked away for a moment, as if thinking of what to say next. Pearl grit her teeth and forced herself to look Flout in the eyes.

“Flout, you said that the one they were going to shatter--Steven--was going to be shattered in three days. That was two days ago. So, he only has one day?” Pearl spoke in a scared tone, causing Flout to stare back at her questioningly, eyes wide. 

“I-Uh, y-yeah” She stammered, bewilderment showing on her face. “I’m sorry did you just--did you call me Flout?” Pearl’s eyes went wide with shock as she realized she had used the nickname that she made up for the Amethyst.

“Oh! Y-yes! That’s just what I call you in my mind. Y’know, to separate you from my Amethyst” Pearl laughed awkwardly, internally wincing as her Amethyst got up and walked away to talk to another group, Lapis’ bubble still held tightly in her hands.

“Flout...I like it. What’s it mean?”

“It means to disregard a rule or defy a law. I figured it made sense.”

“It suits me” Flout laughed, subconsciously rubbing the gem embedded in her shoulder. She looked thoughtful, then, “Well, what if I called you--”

She was cut off as footsteps raced into the room, her gaze flashing to Bismuth and the others, who raced in with wild, terrified eyes. Peridot and Sapphire followed close behind, with Sapphire’s hand grasped tightly in Ruby’s. Everyone looked absolutely terrorized as they dashed in, with Bismuth’s loud, booming voice echoing around the base.

“Hide!”


	7. Bring Her In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy! I almost forgot to post this one! Things are gonna get darker, folks! Though, if you like Lapis, you might find a pleasant surprise on the horizon. ;)

Pearl walked silently behind a Homeworld guard, staring at the ground as tears slipped from her eyes. They had been caught. Bismuth and the others had been followed back to the hideout, and the Homeworld gems had attacked the rebels. Nearly all of them were poofed, with the exception of Bismuth, Pearl, Ruby, Sapphire, Peridot, and Amethyst. They were shackled with a metal that transformed to fit their wrists even if they shapeshifted and were being led somewhere, though Pearl had no idea where. She spared a glance at Amethyst, who they had, thankfully, allowed to keep the bubble containing Lapis’ shards. Peridot hadn’t torn her gaze away from it since she had first caught sight of it in the hideout. 

“Keep walking” Pearl stumbled as her guard pushed her, tripping and almost falling onto Ruby, who grumbled in anger. Her shackles were bright red like the metal Bismuth used to craft weapons, and would probably burn a human very bad. Pearl didn’t turn to look at her captor, only continued on with a determined frown. 

_At least Sapphire and Peridot are back now. Now, all we need to do is find Steven_, Pearl thought, gaze trailing on the floor as she tried not to bump into the small gem in front of her again. She turned her head to look, however, as Amethyst gently passed the bubble to Peridot, who had been staring at it instead of where she was going and had nearly slammed face-first into Bismuth. Peridot nodded to her with a solemn expression before bringing it in front of her and staring at it while she walked. Pearl felt her metaphorical heart twist in sympathy for the small green gem, who had lived with Lapis nearly as long as she’d been on Earth. 

“Where are we going, anyway?” Bismuth spoke up, glaring at one of the guards with quiet rage. The guard turned to her and scoffed, looking away. Pearl noticed Sapphire wince and suddenly wondered what could be so horrible that Sapphire was bothered by it. Then it hit her. _Please tell me we’re not going where I think we’re going._

“The Diamonds wanted to make sure you rebels were present for Rose Quartz’s shattering” One guard, a Citrine, replied stiffly, eyeing the rebels as if they would attack. Pearl rolled her eyes. They were handcuffed, what could they possibly do? If anything, the rebels should be worried about the guards attacking. Admittedly, Pearl knew the guards wouldn’t attack; those weren’t their orders. Then, Pearl realized what the guard had said, and her eyes went wide with horror.

“_Rose Quartz’s shattering??,_” Peridot suddenly squealed, tearing her eyes away from the bubble for the first time to look up at the guards and her friends, terror in her eyes. She wasn’t here for that news, Pearl suddenly remembered, gasping and covering her mouth as tears began rolling down her face. Closing her eyes tight, she blindly followed after Ruby as they continued walking, blocking out the voices around her and trying to steady her breathing.

After what felt like years, they drew to a stop. Pearl hesitantly opened her eyes as a guard led her into a huge room, grasping her hands tightly behind her back despite the handcuffs. The room was dark--at least darker than the hallway had been. Pearl had to take a moment to adjust to the sudden gloom before she actually saw anything. She was brought to stand on the sidelines of the court, held back by the guard. In the center of the room lay chains, mounted to the floor. 

That wasn’t the scariest part, however. The scariest part was the three looming Diamonds that sat in large thrones at the front of the court, looking down on the rebels in disdain. Pearl felt her jaw drop to the floor as she stared up at them wide-eyed. She could tell that the others were doing the same, especially Peridot, who looked particularly horrified at seeing Yellow Diamond. Part of Pearl wondered how Blue and Yellow had managed to persuade White to come. Part of her didn’t care. Most of her was worried about Steven.

“It’s okay, Pearl. He’ll be okay. He’s Steven, of course, he will” Bismuth whispered from beside her, face drawn into a frown in sympathy. Amethyst’s gaze was locked on the three Pearls that were standing at the base of the thrones, each one the color of their Diamond. Pearl cringed when she saw White Diamond’s Pearl and forced herself to look away. Ruby and Sapphire were standing just close enough to brush fingertips, but not enough to hold hands. Sapphire had ice slowly forming beneath her feet, and Ruby still had bright red cuffs.

“They’re all here?” Yellow Diamond asked one of the guards, who nodded and returned a salute in response. Apparently satisfied with this answer, she looked towards Blue. 

“There’s so few of them. Is this really all that’s left of Rose Quartz’s rebellion?” The solemn Diamond questioned. No one answered, and Blue soon got lost in her own thoughts. 

Then White Diamond spoke, her voice loud and commanding. “I’ve had enough waiting. I’ve other matters to attend to. If you’re going to shatter her, bring her out now!”

Without another word, the Pearls walked to a side door and opened it, revealing outlines of humanoid beings.

Two Jaspers walked in, and between them, the child Pearl never thought she’d see again.


	8. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't done so already, please read the tags. Lots of angst comin' up, folks. Anyway, here's an extra-long chapter for you all! Er--at least longer than usual ;3

“Steven” The word slipped out of Pearl’s mouth in a quiet whisper, barely audible yet carrying so much weight with it. Steven’s hands were shackled in front of him and he was covered in scratches, some fresh and leaking blood while others were faded and scabbed. His dull eyes were fixed on the floor below him as he was shoved forward, grunting as he landed heavily onto the ground. Pearl felt a strange, unbearable feeling well up in her chest as if she needed to get to him. 

“_This_ is the mighty Rose Quartz?” White Diamond snorted, staring down at the child in dismay. Yellow looked down in contempt at the injured hybrid while Blue looked away, tears welling up in her eyes. Pearl fought back the sudden unwelcome urge to cry. “You don’t _look_ like a Rose Quartz.”

“Well, I am” Steven staggered to his feet, struggling to right himself without using his hands. Pearl couldn’t hold back a gasp. Had Steven been telling everyone he was Rose this whole time? What was he _thinking? _

“Oh really? So you’re the one who shattered Pink?” _No,_ Pearl wanted to say._ It was me!_ Steven looked away when Blue Diamond choked on a sob, his gaze suddenly landing on the bubble in Peridot’s hands.

“Lapis” He gasped, running towards his family desperately, only to be harshly seized by his arm and thrown back to the ground by one of the Jaspers. As he struggled once again to regain his footing, Pearl saw his eyes were watering. Pearl pulled against her restrainer, wanting nothing more than to comfort the boy. Steven promptly wiped his face on his shoulder, wincing as he rubbed against a fresh cut, and turned, glaring at the Diamonds with defiance.

“Fix her! I know you can! If you’re going to shatter me, the least you could do is fix her!” He cried, closing his eyes tight towards the end of the demand, tears brimming in them anyway. 

“Fix her?” Yellow scoffed, crossing her arms in cruel indifference. “Why in the stars would we do that? She’s a rebel. One of _your_ rebels. Besides, Lapis Lazulis are easy to replace” She added with a wave of her hand.

“_Yellow!_” Blue gasped, staring at the other Diamond. “Be reasonable. Rose Quartz is giving herself up, and she’s supplied more than enough information. Besides, that is one of my Lapis Lazulis.” _Supplied more than enough information?_ Pearl felt something heavy weigh in her stomach. What had Steven given away?

“Rose Quartz shattered Pi-”

“Enough!” White bellowed, smacking them both upside the head and effectively cutting Yellow off. As Blue and Yellow rubbed the back of their heads with a frown, White Diamond spoke again.

“We’ll fix the Lazuli, then shatter this--_thing_” She waved her arm in a big gesture towards Steven, face contorted into one of disgust. Steven half-smiled, though his face was flooded with fear. Pearl closed her eyes for a moment, unable to bear the thoughts in her mind.

“He’s going to be _executed_” Bismuth murmured in shock, making Pearl grit her teeth as she forced her eyes open. Peridot was handing the bubble to Steven with a strange look in her eyes that Pearl couldn’t quite name. Steven grasped it gently, popping the bubble and catching all the shards in his hands. Pearl suddenly realized that his hands were free of the shackles, supposedly taken off by the Jaspers, and she gasped, willing him to fight and escape. He did not. 

Turning to the Diamonds, he held out his hands and nodded to them. Blue was the first to move, touching the shards with the very tip of her finger. As White touched it with a fingernail, Yellow rolled her eyes and reluctantly did the same. The shards began glowing, and Pearl watched in shocked awe as they lifted into the air, reconnecting and forming a whole gem once again. Seconds later, Lapis’ form spread from the gem, and she collapsed to the ground. Panting and trembling, she promptly broke down into sobs, curling in on herself. One of the Jaspers grabbed her and threw her towards the rebels, where she stayed on her hands and knees, crying silently. 

Suddenly, Peridot’s restraints were gone, and she raced to Lapis’ side, rubbing her back gently and crying with her. _She has metal powers. That would have been useful earlier, Peridot, _Pearl mentally snapped at the green gem. Peridot’s guard moved to grab her again but paused as Yellow held up a hand in a ‘stop’ signal. Sparing a glance at Peridot, she knew that the gem would do no harm even without her restraints. She was too caught up in emotion to even think of attacking their captors.

“Well. Now that that’s over with” White smiled widely, a very unnerving sight to Pearl, and the two Jaspers seized Steven’s arms. Steven, eyes wide, struggled against them, kicking and flailing. Eventually, they pinned him to the ground and re-shackled him with the chains that Pearl saw when she first entered the room.

“No! Leave him alone!” Pearl shouted, thrashing in her guard’s grip, desperately trying to get to her boy. She could see Amethyst and Ruby doing the same out of the corner of her eye. Bismuth just looked confused and afraid while Sapphire seemed strangely resigned. Pearl began to tune out Peridot and Lapis’ sobs.

“Pearl, go fetch it” Yellow commanded her pearl, who saluted and left the room through the door Steven and the Jaspers had come through with a small “Yes, my Diamond”

Pearl held her breath as she waited, watching as Steven grew tenser, sweat beads forming on his forehead. Minutes later, the door opened again, and the Pearl entered with a Breaking Point, though, of course, Pearl didn’t know its name. Steven’s head swung around towards Bismuth, eyes wide, with the latter looking away in shame. Had Bismuth known about this weapon?

“Let him go! He didn’t-” Pearl cut herself off, gritting her teeth as she tried to fight against Pink Diamond’s order. She had to--she _had_ to _tell them_-! If she didn’t they would-

“Silence that one” Yellow snarled, gesturing to Pearl, who promptly had a hand cover her mouth. She cursed at the guard--though it was muffled.

“You. You do it,” White then pointed at one of the Jaspers, who nodded and saluted before grabbing the Breaking Point from Yellow Pearl. As Yellow Pearl pranced back to her Diamond, the Jasper walked over to Steven, pressing the tip of the drill-shaped edge against where Steven’s gem would be under his shirt. Steven let out a little whimper, which made Pearl choke on a sob.

“Any last words, _Rose?_” The Jasper spat the name, glaring down at the child, who pulled at the chains as if they’d give way. He looked up at the Jasper, then the rebels, who were all holding back tears. He sighed in defeat as he stared at them, his gaze unwavering.

“I’m sorry, guys. I have to do this. Someone has to fix her mistakes. Take care of Lion for me--and tell Dad and Connie that I’m sorry” He sniffed, dropping his gaze once more. The Jasper grinned and the end of the weapon pushed outwards as if pulling back before a strike.

“Goodbye, Rose.”

Pearl squeezed her eyes closed as many noises occurred at once: the loud, painfully _final_, slam of the weapon, the sound of breaking glass, flesh and fabric tearing, the rattle of chains against the hard floor, and Steven’s piercing shriek.


	9. Split

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. I feel like I could have written this chapter better, but oh well. I hope you enjoy anyway! If you get super sad, I encourage you to blame Mxl6w94, who commented such great ideas that I couldn't help myself. ;3

“_Steven!_” Pearl threw her eyes open as Bismuth let out a scream, the noise making Pearl flinch as it sounded directly beside her head. Pearl’s eyes widened as she fully took in the scene before her, confusion and shock making her dizzy.

Steven’s gem lay on the floor, several feet away from where the boy had crumpled to the ground. The Jasper holding the Breaking Point stared down at the child in confusion before her gaze darted to the gem. Its usually lively pink color was muddled with dark crimson blood, but the shape was still painfully obvious. It was the shape of a diamond. A long, branching crack stretched across the front of the gem.

The Jasper dropped her weapon in shock, the metal hitting the ground with a horrible _clang_. 

Then, silence. Painful, deafening silence.

“_What?_” Yellow’s loud voice rang out against the still atmosphere, shattering the moment. Amethyst glanced at Bismuth, whose eyes were wide with dismay, anxiously, Ruby and Sapphire gaped in disbelief at each other, and Peridot and Lapis stared at Steven in horror. Pearl felt something break inside her. Her shoulders felt lighter, and yet her chest grew heavy in fear for the boy laying still amidst the chains. For _Steven_. 

His quiet, pitiful groan did little to ease this, aside from reassuring her that at least the boy was still _alive_. There was blood all over the floor underneath him, staining his shirt and his back. There was a gaping wound there, going through his body as if his gem and been pushed _into_ him. _His gem. Diamonds are strong. The weapon must have pushed and cracked it instead of shattering it like it was supposed to,_ Pearl thought in horror, struggling to hold back tears.

The gem glowed, the light half-dimmed by the blood as it rose into the air. A tall silhouette formed around it, resembling someone that Pearl knew much too well. 

“_Pink?_” It was White’s voice, quiet and motherly, shocked as if she didn’t know quite what to say. Pearl watched her face fall as the form shifted to resemble Rose Quartz, with large, curly hair bursting forth. Pearl’s heart stuttered for a moment when she saw her, a strange, horribly _wrong_, burst of hope flickering in her chest. Then it changed again, settling into the form of Steven as he lowered to the ground. He stared at the Diamonds for a moment before his expressionless gaze landed on Steven.

“Pink?? I don’t understand--? What is this?? How are you here, Pink?” Blue stuttered, grasping the arms of her throne tightly--so tightly that it almost cracked beneath her fingertips. Blue's Pearl cringed back, gazing at her Diamond in uncertain fear.

“I’m _not_ Pink Diamond” The Pink Steven replied, voice monotone and so similar to Steven, yet lacking any feeling. His gaze was set determinedly on Steven, and he slowly began walking forward, face as blank as a mannequin. White took a moment to understand what he was trying to do before she snapped.

“Don’t take another step! Stop her!” White commanded the Jaspers, who promptly threw themselves into Pink Steven’s path, helmet’s bared. Bismuth grit her teeth and jolted forward unexpectedly, breaking out of her guard’s grip as she turned and slammed her shackled hands into their head, throwing them to the floor. The other guards gasped as, suddenly, all of the rebels shackled broke off and fell to the floor. Pearl snatched a quick glance at Peridot, who had her hands outstretched from using her powers as she stood over Lapis defensively, before kicking out at her guard, knocking them onto their back. Quickly summoning her spear, she pinned them to the spot. Ruby and Sapphire threw their guards away too, quickly grabbing each others hands’ and fusing. Pearl watched as Garnet quickly took down the guards, with all of them being either poofed or pinned. Yellow abruptly stood, aiming a thunderbolt at the fusion, who dodged it easily. As chaos broke out, Pearl stood frozen to her spot as Bismuth growled wildly and practically threw herself at Pink Steven, who blocked her path with a translucent shield, turning his head to stare at her. The shield glitched once, or maybe twice, and a bead of sweat gathered on Pink Steven’s head. _The crack in his gem must be weakening his powers._

“You! Rose--no, _whoever you are_, how could you? You _lied_ to me, lied to _your friends_\--”

“Bismuth now is not the time!” Garnet grunted, throwing a guard away from her as Yellow sent a shock from her fingertips and hit Amethyst, who thrashed a moment before poofing, her purple gem falling to the floor with a _clink_. One of the Jaspers had lashed out too, only to be blocked by Pink Steven as well. 

“That’s enough!” White Diamond snarled, blasting at Pink Steven with her light beams. As he surrounded himself in a strange, transparent version of Steven’s bubble, Pearl ran to her Steven’s side and sunk down to her knees beside him. He made no sound when she turned him over onto his back. His eyes were closed and blood ran down from his mouth, mixing with the crimson liquid that already stained his stomach. There was an abrupt blinding light, and then Pearl was on the ground, knocked over by an invisible force. As she opened her eyes, blinking rapidly to regain her sight, she noticed everyone else was on the ground too. Even the Diamonds had collapsed, disorientated by the expelled energy that originated from Pink Steven.

The room fell silent once more.

Pink Steven took another step, his form glitching as he did so. No one moved to stop him. He slowly made his way to Steven, with everyone’s eyes locked on him. As he lowered himself to the ground and looked over his human half’s body, Pearl tried to catch his eye, to no avail. His gaze was locked on his other half as he steadily reached out a hand, laying it on Steven’s chest. After several tense moments, he stood again, turning to face White Diamond with what Pearl swore was rage, if the twitch of Pink Steven’s lip was anything to go by.

“You killed him. You killed _me_”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink Steeb bouta murder some fools


	10. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as much action as I originally wanted, but, hey, it's something! I was seriously stressed that I wouldn't get this up in time since I've been wicked busy today. But I did it! Woohoo! Hope y'all enjoy! <3

“_Killed-?_ What are you talking about, Pink?” Yellow snarked, lifting herself back onto her feet with a grunt of irritation. White and Blue did the same, though Blue had tears in her eyes. 

“I can’t believe it--Pink, are you really here? We’ve all missed you so much and I--”

“I am _not **PINK DIAMOND!**_” The previously monotone voice broke into a piercing scream, making the Diamonds stumble back in shock. He threw his arm back, summoning a glitching, transparent shield and broke it into tiny, incredibly sharp pieces, throwing it at the Diamonds with a scream of rage. Shocked, Yellow Diamond took another step back, the shards missing her by an inch as they lodged themselves into the wall behind her.

“How dare you-!” Yellow blasted electricity at the glowing pink version of Steven, though he was quick to block the attack with a shield he raised from the ground. Pearl blinked in shock, reasonably terrified of this strange version of her boy. Looking down at the child below her, she winced at the shackles that dug into his pale wrists. Summoning her spear and beginning to cut away at the chains that bound human Steven’s hands, she attempted to hold back her tears to little avail.

“Pink! Stop this!” Blue shrieked as Pink Steven knocked Yellow to the ground with a powerful throw of his glitching crystalline shield. The diamond fell hard and with a grunt, groaning as she tried to get back up. Pink Steven’s gaze flashed towards the other Diamond, eyes wide and yet completely devoid of emotion as he launched another shield, only for it to be knocked out of the air by White Diamond.

“How dare you hurt your fellow Diamonds, Pink-”

He cut her off with a guttural, bloodcurdling screech as he threw himself at her, summoning several glitching shields and breaking them into pieces as he rammed them against her chest. The shards slammed through her and the air hung thick with silence. The Crystal Gems, minus Amethyst, who's gem was being gently held by Garnet, were still on the ground, their mouths wide open in shock. Pearl, however, had her gaze fixed on Steven. _Her_ Steven. Her heart ached with guilt as she hung her head and sobbed. This was all her fault. _Why did I have to say it was Rose? I should have said it was me. This should have been me. Steven didn’t deserve this._

“_Steven_” She lamented to the boy’s still form quietly. She gathered his body into her arms once the chains were off and stared at him, taking in every scratch and every injury, knowing that it might as well have been her that created them. She gently wiped the blood away from his mouth. “Wake up, Steven. Please”

She gasped as a white mist showered over her, looking up to see Pink Steven tightly grasping a gem--_no, a _Diamond!--In his hand. It was White Diamond, Pearl realized with a gasp. _He poofed her. Is that even possible?_ Yellow and Blue stared at him in horror, shrinking away from him in utter terror.

“W-what _are_ you?” Yellow stammered, her eyes moving from White Diamond’s gem to Pink Steven’s neutral face. He stared back at her, gaze unwavering, but did not answer. He tightened his grip on White Diamond’s gem, his fingers forming small cracks along the edges. Pearl gasped; _He’s going to shatter her!_

Suddenly, Pink Steven whipped around when a hand touched his shoulder, eyes wide and pupils pinpricks as he stared at the offending gem.

“Steven, stop. It’s okay, don’t--don’t do this” Pink Steven’s face didn’t change, nor did a hint of emotion sparkle in his eyes. Lapis took a deep breath and tried again, her body trembling as she looked at the pink child in desperation.

“You’re hurting, you’re confused, you’re angry, believe me, I know what it’s like. I probably know what it’s like more than anyone” She offered an unsteady hand to him, and he shifted his gaze down to it, though didn’t make a move otherwise.

“You’ve been shattered. Maybe not physically, but you’re not whole. I know what that’s like now. It was awful, I felt like I was missing something but I didn’t know what. It hurt, it hurt all over. That’s how you feel, right? You don’t feel whole” He stared dumbly at her, though Pearl swore she saw tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He probably didn’t even notice it himself. 

“Don’t shatter her. Then you’ll be no better than her. If you give me the gem, we can help you. We might even be able to fix Steven. You just have to trust me, okay?” Pink Steven looked once at the Diamond in his grip before gingerly handing it over to the blue gem, who quickly bubbled it, encasing it in dark azure. Letting out a shaky sigh, she turned to the Diamonds. 

“Catch” She snarked, tossing the bubble towards Blue, who caught it easily with a look of surprise. Yellow struggled to get up, about to attack once more, before stopping when Blue put a hand out to block her.

“Don’t. Haven’t we caused enough pain already?” Blue Diamond murmured, tears leaking down her face. Pearl wiped at her own face and noticed Lapis do the same. Pink Steven let out a small gasp-like noise as tears trailed down his face too, with Blue’s emotional aura surrounding them all. Suddenly, Pearl was struck with an idea.

“_His tears! He can revive people with his tears!_”


	11. Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting a chapter yesterday, some unexpected plans came up and I didn't have access to my computer. Anyway, here's the next chapter! Enjoy! <3

Lapis and Pink Steven turned, staring at Pearl in stunned silence. Pink Steven was the first to move, starting a slow but determined walk over to his human half. Everyone was watching him with wide eyes except for Peridot, who was rushing to Lapis’ side. As she neared, Lapis grabbed the smaller gem’s hand with her own violently trembling one. Pearl noticed Peridot squeeze the taller gem’s hand reassuringly.

Pink Steven closed the distance between himself and his human half, sinking to his knees and reaching out his arms towards Pearl, glancing at the body with a small, solemn frown. Pearl looked down at her baby’s body for a moment before transferring it to the glowing boy’s arms with a sniffle, reaching to wipe tears out of her eyes. She smudged his blood against her cheek, unaware that it had drenched her skin. It didn’t feel real. _None_ of it felt real. There was no way that cold, stiff body was the lively, optimistic, and caring child she had lived with for 14 short years. There was no way that he was _gone_. Just like that. She stared hopefully up at Pink Steven; maybe he wasn’t. 

Pink Steven let out a small grunt, straining over his body and blinking slowly. After several moments, Pearl realized that there were no tears in his eyes anymore.

“I can’t cry. I’m trying but I can’t” he murmured as if reading her mind, voice emotionless yet Pearl swore the words were whispered with desperation. She looked up towards Blue, who was staring at them wide-eyed, though she had no tears either.

“We need you to cry. _He_ needs to cry” Pearl called, voice taut with emotion as she tried not to cry herself. Blue looked shocked for a moment before nodding.

“What...do you want me to cry about?” She asked uncertainly, absently rubbing the bubble in her hands as if she were worried about what the Diamond would do to her when released. Pearl sighed and glanced at Pink Steven, whose gaze was locked on his human half’s pale, unmoving body. Pearl suddenly felt rage flare inside her chest and she narrowed her eyes at Blue, leaping to her feet angrily.

“How about you cry over the fact that you _murdered a child_? You murdered him in _cold blood!_ He never did _anything_ to you! You killed him for something his _mother_ did that he had no control over!” Blue blinked at her outburst as Pearl clenched her fists and grit her teeth. She saw Pink Steven glitch once more, his form seeming to flicker. “And you cracked him. You cracked _her_. How can you not cry over that?” Pearl sunk back onto her knees, looking up in surprise as a hand rested on her shoulder. Her eyes met the hidden ones of Garnet before flicking down guiltily to Amethyst’s gem, which was held tightly in the leader’s grip. 

“She’ll be fine, Pearl. Let me handle Blue Diamond” Garnet murmured before turning towards said Diamond, chest puffed proudly. Blue Diamond watched her with wide eyes.  
“You have shattered Pink Diamond’s son. You destroyed something she loved. She probably ran away to become Rose Quartz because of you. Look at this!” --she motioned at Pink Steven, who didn’t move an inch at the gesture, still staring at his other half-- ”How can you be proud of this?!”

“I-I didn’t I--” Blue covered her mouth with her free hand, gasping as tears gathered in her eyes. _Yes!_ As horrible as it was, Pearl was glad Blue was crying; it meant that her boy could be saved. Everyone who wasn’t already on the ground dropped back down to their knees, trying to force a breath between sobs as Blue’s aura flowed over them once more. Pearl did the same, pressing her palms to the floor and getting the sticky red liquid that covered it onto her hands. She felt tears run down her face and she wearily looked up at Pink Steven as he pressed his forehead against his other half’s. As tears spilled from his eyes and landed on Steven’s face, Pearl bit her lip, struggling to see past the tears. At first, nothing happened and Pearl felt an empty, numb feeling spread throughout her body. _No. No, it has to work. It _has_ to_, she thought, shaking her head to clear it as she blinked back tears. _What if it doesn’t?_

After several moments of no change, Pink Steven looked up, eyes looking almost tired. Pearl felt pain swell in her chest as she choked on a sob, trembling furiously and putting a hand on her mouth, watching her tears fall onto the floor below her. 

“What happened? I thought he could revive with his tears?” Peridot’s scared voice sounded from somewhere behind Pearl, but she ignored it, trying to focus on breathing through her sobs. Suddenly Garnet was on the ground beside Pearl, pulling her close with one arm while rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. Pearl could hear her soft cries no matter how hard the leader tried to hide them. Bismuth whispered something to Peridot and suddenly she was in tears too, wailing and pushing Bismuth away as she tried to console her friend. Lapis stood still at a statue, trembling and staring down at Steven’s body in a distanced disbelief. This can’t be happening. It can’t be true. Pearl wiped at her face, vaguely aware of the Diamonds watching with guilty eyes, and the two Jaspers staring in horror at what they’d done. Even the Diamonds’ Pearls looked on with abhorrent glances.

“It didn’t work” Pink Steven mumbled, gaze troubled as he lifted his shirt up a little to look at his gem. It was then that he seemed to really notice the growing crack for the first time. After a moment, he glanced back up at Pearl.

“We have to leave”

“What about White? And the rebels?”

“Leave them. There’s no time”

It was then that Pearl truly realized that this was _not_ her Steven.


	12. Set a Course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! I really thought I wouldn't get this one out in time! Hope ya'll like it! (Also, if you haven't already, y'all should totally go watch the new SUF trailer it's epic <3)

Pearl was surprised that the Diamond let them leave. Maybe it was a decision driven by pity, or fear, or the several curses and insults that erupted from the Crystal Gems, specifically Peridot. Maybe it was all of them combined. Nevertheless, Pearl was thankful that the Diamonds had allowed them to get a ship and set a course for Earth. It meant that they could get home sooner. It meant that _Steven_ could get home sooner. Pearl dared not glance back at the pink form behind her, afraid that tears would spill down her face again if she caught sight of the broken body that lay in his arms. They were being escorted by the two Jaspers, who walked stiffly ahead of them, with Garnet following close after. Pearl didn’t notice when one of them slowed down to walk beside her, too caught in her own gloomy thoughts to pay attention to anything other than the person in front of her. 

“Hey, uh, Pearl. Listen, I’m really sorry for, yeah, you know” The Jasper stuttered, motioning towards Pink Steven helplessly. Pearl turned and blinked at her, not twisting around to glance at the boy in question. The Jasper cleared her throat before continuing, face drawn tight into an awkward frown. 

“I was the one who did it. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have--I wasn’t thinking. I was just following orders. I didn’t mean for this to happen; I certainly didn’t expect to almost shatter Pink Diamond!” She chuckled bunglingly, rubbing the back of her neck as she looked at Pearl out of the corner of her eye. Pearl stared forward, not meeting the Jasper’s gaze.

“He’s not Pink Diamond” She replied cooly, forcing down a blinding rage that boiled in her chest. She wished for nothing more than to summon her weapon and shatter this gem, and all the Homeworld gems that knew of this plot and said nothing. She focused hard on Garnet’s back, forcing the harmful thoughts away, knowing that it would sacrifice their way home. 

“You were just following orders. You couldn’t have done anything anyways” The words felt gross on Pearl’s tongue, making her face scrunch up as she looked down towards her feet. It felt wrong to lie, to forgive the gem that had _killed_ Steven. She knew it’s what he would have said. He would have forgiven them no matter what because it was the right thing to do. And it was true, that’s what hurt Pearl the most. It _wasn’t_ really the Jasper’s fault, she was just doing whatever she had to in order to not be shattered herself. Steven would have forgiven her, Pearl was sure, and since Steven wasn’t here to say it, she would say it for him.

“Yeah. I just wish I had realized what was going to happen so I could’ve stopped myself. I saw the way you looked at him when I--when it happened. You cared for him. You cared for him in a way I’ve never seen a gem care before, I can’t quite put it into words.”

“Like a mother.”

“A mother?” The Jasper looked at her in confusion, nearly tripping as she awaited an explanation from Pearl, who could feel tears burning away at her eyes once more. Losing Steven was ten times worse than losing Rose had ever been. Maybe because he was a child and hadn’t experienced many things he should have, or he didn’t do anything to deserve such a brutal end, or maybe both. 

“A mother is--well, it’s hard to explain. Gems don’t have mothers. It’s someone who cares a lot for someone, but platonically. They raise them and take care of them. Stop them from getting into trouble and getting themselves hurt. Stop them from taking the blame for something they never did. A-and stop them from g-getting themselves--” Pearl cut herself off, suddenly realizing that there were tears trailing down her face. She wiped them away with one hand, mentally scolding herself for letting them fall. The Jasper stared at her in sympathy, eyes curved in concern as she reached out hesitantly as if to pat Pearl’s shoulder. She withdrew her hand before it made contact with the skinny gem, however. Pearl grabbed her arms self-consciously, letting out a shaky sigh and shaking her head clear. 

“I guess I failed at it, didn’t I?” She murmured, tensing as Pink Steven passed by, slowing down until he was walking next to Garnet. Heaving a breath, she forced her eyes away from him, gritting her teeth and pressing back tears. 

“Not yet” Pearl looked up as the Jasper spoke, staring at her with confused, glistening eyes. The Jasper looked at her for a moment, before leading the group through a metal door. “He’s still half here”

“It’s not the same” Pearl muttered as a large ship came into view. The Jasper shared a look of pity with her before stepping back with her fellow guard, waiting for the Crystal Gems to board the ship. Pink Steven was the first to enter, not sparing a second glance behind him. Pearl watched as Garnet nodded to the Jaspers and followed close behind while Bismuth slowly made her way onto it as well. Peridot was leading Lapis by the hand, the latter of whom gazing around distantly, each step unsure and wobbly. Finally, Pearl turned to the Jasper she had talked to.

“There’s an Amethyst--a rebel. Her name is Flout. If you see her, can you please tell her that I’m sorry we can’t take her with us? And that we’ll come back for her?”

“No promises. I don’t know if the Diamonds will want you to come back either” She gulped, gripping her right arm nervously.

“Please. Just tell her”

“Okay. I will. Be safe. I hope you figure everything out.” _Me too,_ Pearl thought to herself, taking a deep breath before making her way up the stairs that led to the ship. The door closed with a soft click behind her as she gazed around, eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness that surrounded the interior. Garnet was standing against a wall, Amethyst’s gem in hand, while Peridot led Lapis to a seat. Lapis stared at it blankly for several moments before actually sitting, and Pearl wondered if she’d ever be okay again. Bismuth stood next to Garnet, gazing at Amethyst’s gem as if it was something she could fix in her forge. Only Pink Steven sat alone, back against the wall as he cradled his human half’s body in his arms. Steven would have looked as if he were sleeping if it weren’t for the blood. Pearl took a deep breath and sat in the pilot’s chair, looking over the controls, intimidated by the complexity. After a moment, she set a course for Earth and leaned back in her chair as they set off, watching Homeworld grow smaller until it was no longer visible against the starlit sky.


	13. Reformed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot woot here comes the angst train

After several hours of quiet flight, despite the occasional small conversations sparking between Bismuth and Garnet or Peridot whispering something to Lapis, everyone was more than uneasy. They all knew that the longer it took them to get back to Earth, the higher the chance of Steven never coming back. It was an awful thought, and one they were all pushing away adamantly. Pearl refused to look at Pink Steven, though her mind was screaming at her to go and comfort him.

About an hour after they had boarded, Lapis had fallen asleep with her head on Peridot’s shoulder. Pearl knew that gems didn’t require sleep, but she figured that the blue gem must have been both physically and mentally exhausted and decided that she needed it. Peridot didn’t seem to mind, and she kept her hand loosely gripped in Lapis’ as if she was afraid the lazuli would disappear if she let go.

Most of the light in the ship was actually coming from Pink Steven, who was sitting on the floor with his legs crisscrossed. His human half was draped in his arms, dried blood attached to his skin and clothes. Pink Steven was glowing faintly, the soft light flowing over his human doppelganger, apparently preserving him. He hadn’t looked away from his other half since they boarded. He looked strangely tired, though Pearl knew that it was probably all in her mind. She was used to watching Steven sleep, it used to comfort her to know that a part of Rose was still there. That _Steven_ was still there. He used to wake up to see her sitting there and frown, shooing her away with a laugh. Now, she dared not look at him, knowing that, despite the way he seemed, Steven wasn’t sleeping. And he wasn’t going to wake up.

Now, Pearl stared at the controls in front of her, thoughts whirling in her head as she zoned out. The faint sound of Lapis’ soft snores sounded in the background of her mind, as well as Bismuth’s quiet chatter. She forced all of it away, letting out a deep sigh as she tried to focus only on her breath. The universe seemed against her, however, because suddenly the ship was engulfed in bright light.

“It’s Amethyst! She’s reforming!” Peridot gasped, careful to keep her voice down. Pearl swiftly got up and walked to her friends, standing beside Bismuth as Amethyst’s gem floated into the air. Amethyst’s form spread from it, showing all of the past regenerations before settling on her new one. She was wearing a black tank top still, though she now had jean shorts with half stars on the cuffs. As the landed on the ground, surveying the people around her and her new environment, her gaze abruptly fell onto Pink Steven and the body in his arms. He didn’t look up when she stepped over to him, face showing nothing but brokenness and despair. 

“N-no…” She whispered, gently brushing his human half’s cheek with her thumb, tears welling in her eyes. “H-he can’t be…?”

Pearl looked away as Amethyst trailed off, pain clouding her eyes as she let out a wail of sorrow, digging her palms against the floor as tears fell onto the metal below. At the scream, Lapis jumped up, alarm apparently shooting through her as she backed up as far as she could go against the wall. Amethyst’s gaze flashed around wildly until it landed on Pearl. She stuck out a finger accusingly.

“_You! _You did this, didn’t you?” _What? _Pearl sputtered in bewilderment for a moment. _She _saw _what happened! It wasn’t me!_ Then guilt pricked her heart and sent a shock of sadness down her spine. _Yes, I did. I told them Rose did it._

“No, she didn’t! If anything, I’m the one to blame here!” Peridot interrupted, anger suddenly flooding her gaze at Amethyst’s outburst. 

“You’re right, you are the one to blame! You could have freed us at any time, couldn’t you? You could have freed _Steven!_” Amethyst choked on the word, voice faltering as emotion tore through her. Peridot frowned in defiance, standing up on top of the seat and throwing her arms out wide, inadvertently letting go of Lapis’ hand in the process.

“Yeah, I could have!_ I should have! _I know that! I was going to--to catch the Diamonds off guard, but Lapis--”

“Lapis just had to come back right then, didn’t she?! Steven should have left her, then we could have saved him instead!” Amethyst grit her teeth, anger blinding her as she screamed words that Pearl was sure she didn’t mean. Still, the unrelenting anger caught her off guard and made her eyes widen as she turned to look at Lapis. Lapis had tears brimming in her eyes and she didn’t bother wiping them as they fell down her cheeks.

“You’re right” She whispered brokenly, drawing her knees into her chest and putting her head down, body racking gently with sobs. “He should have just left me” Amethyst’s face immediately softened and she looked away, eyes full of guilt as she stared at the floor.

“I’m sorry--I-I didn’t mean-”

“Please, just_ stop._ Haven’t you said enough?” Peridot growled, pulling Lapis closer and hugging her tightly as the blue gem broke down in her arms. Pearl turned to stare at Bismuth and Garnet, expecting them to step in and resolve the fight. Instead, she saw Bismuth looking shocked and Garnet wiping tears away from her face, mouth drawn into a hard, thin line.

Amethyst sunk down stiffly beside Pink Steven, glaring hard at the floor as the room dissolved into silence once more. It remained this way for several moments until a new voice spoke up, so familiar and yet so _different._

“It was my fault.” Pink Steven spoke, his voice monotone and rigid. Everyone but Lapis turned to stare at him in shock. He hadn’t spoken a word since they took off.

“I _wanted_ them to shatter me.”


	14. Possibilities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be really sleeping right now hhh
> 
> (Small mention of suicidal themes in this one. Just a warning)

“_What?_” Pearl gasped, shock clutching at her like claws. Pink Steven stared at her levelly, refusing to look away. He didn’t even blink. Everyone was staring at him in shock now, even Lapis, who watched warily with her eyes poking over her knees. Pearl cringed as Pink Steven’s gaze bore into her, feeling as though they would sear holes into her body.

“I wanted them to shatter me” Pink Steven repeated, gently re-adjusting his grip on the body in his arms, hugging Steven’s head against his chest. “I wanted to prove that I wasn’t my mom. That I could face my problems.”

“But-I don’t understand…” Garnet knelt down beside Pink Steven, carefully touching his shoulder. He stared at the fusion, though no emotion sparkled in his once lively eyes. “That’s not facing your problems. You were facing Rose’s problems.”

“You’re right. But someone had to pay for her actions. It’s the only way to get the Diamonds to leave Earth alone” Pink Steven defended, tightening his grip on Steven’s body subconsciously. Garnet backed up a bit, disturbed by the growing anger rising in the pink child.

“She wasn’t even a Rose Quartz. She was a fake. She was Pink Diamond. You were resolving problems made thousands of years before you were born” Peridot reasoned, unclasping her hand from Lapis’ once more. Pink Steven didn’t turn to look at her, only staring down at his body again. 

“I had no idea you feel this way” Pearl choked, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. Had the years of Pearl comparing Steven to his mother really taken that much of a toll on the boy? She squeezed her eyes shut as she recalled flashes of a memory from when Steven was about 5 or 6. Steven standing in the bathroom, tightly grasping a kitchen knife as he pressed it against his navel. Pearl’s horrified breath as she entered the room to see what was taking him so long, ripping it out of his hands, throwing it to the ground and pulling the child into her arms. Tears had stained her eyes then, as they did now. The idea of losing the child then was almost as unbearable as it had been when she saw him chained to the floor. She had asked him _why. Why would you do something like that?_

His innocent response stuck with her for a very long time._ I was gonna bring mom back. For you._

“I don’t” Pearl was torn from her horrible thoughts as Pink Steven spoke again, running a hand through his other half’s hair absently. Nearly everyone blinked at him in bewilderment, confused expressions plastered onto their faces.

“I don’t feel anything. Not anymore.”

“Oh, _Steven,_” Garnet reached over as if to hug him, only to retract her arms as the boy stared at her expressionlessly, pulling his body closer to his abdomen. She produced a sigh of defeat as Amethyst spoke up, her voice too cheery, too fake.

“Geez, when did you guys get so depressing?” She tried, probably hoping the comment would lighten the mood. Lapis sniffed, the only sound heard in the silence that followed. Pearl’s eyes trailed to Steven’s body; _too pale, too cold, too stiff. He’s just napping. He_ has_ to be. _

“When Steven was murdered” Bismuth replied grimly, echoing everyone’s thoughts. Amethyst grimaced, looking away as they were enveloped in an uncomfortable silence once more.

“So, how are we going to bring him back? We are going to, right? Garnet, what can you see?” Peridot queried, gaze flashing to the tall gem, who was pulling herself to her feet. Garnet paused for a moment as if looking into possible futures, before turning to the small green gem.

“There’s some possibilities of Rose’s fountain working” She stated, though her face showed that the chance of said plan working was very small. Pearl gulped, waiting for Garnet to go on. She didn’t. Silence fell once again.

“He’s not going to wake up, is he?” Peridot asked suddenly, slouching in her seat and leaning against Lapis, who was locked away in her own world of grief and probably wasn’t even listening to the conversation. _Wake up,_ Pearl thought. _She’s saying it like he’s just resting. But he _is,_ isn’t he?_ She dared not look at the body again, afraid she’d feel sick. Everyone was getting very uncomfortable with Pink Steven carrying his own corpse around. But what else could they do? Take the body from him? He’d shatter them all before anyone dared remove his human half from his arms.

“No” Garnet murmured at last, reaching up under her shades to wipe away a tear. “He probably won’t”

Pearl didn’t know why the sentence hurt her chest so bad. Maybe it was because _Garnet_ had admitted it, and she could see the future. Or maybe because she was forced to realize that he could be gone forever. They all backed away in grief, leaving Pink Steven to deal with his shattered thoughts himself. Pearl slowly made her way back to the pilot’s chair, slipping into it with ease she used to have, ease she wished she didn’t have. She tried in vain to steady her breathing, fighting back a suffocating panic that welled in her throat. _Steven’s not coming back. At least not fully._


	15. I Am Steeb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, here we go. The moment I'm sure you've all been waiting for. Just a warning, I won't be posting any chapters this weekend. I'm taking a little break. There might be a chapter uploaded on Sunday, but don't count on it. Sorry to leave y'all on such a cliffhanger hehe. Anyways, love y'all and I hope you have a great day/night! <3

It took several minutes, maybe even an hour, before someone mustered the courage to speak again. Pearl was becoming fidgety, acutely aware of how long the flight was taking them. They needed to get to Earth immediately, she had already noticed Pink Steven’s crack growing steadily worse, watching in horror as the pink boy had nearly faded to nothingness, his unsteady form flickering like a candle in the night. Amethyst was still sitting beside him, leaning as if to lay her head on his shoulder. Pearl guessed that the only reason the Quartz didn’t do so was the still bloodied body that was sprawled in his arms. Pearl had done a lot of research on humans the moment that Steven had come into existence. She knew that humans died, she’d even seen it happen before, during the war. She’d watched them get struck with a blade from Homeworld soldiers, falling lifelessly to the ground in a matter of seconds. She knew they didn’t come back the same way that gems did. 

But for some reason, she never thought something like that could happen to Steven. Maybe because she thought she could protect him. Maybe because she _promised_ she would protect him. Despite her promise, she still remembers the night that seemed like forever ago now. The night she had nearly ended the child’s life. She didn’t know what she was doing, driven by rage and grief. Greg had been sleeping over the temple, afraid that the van might be too cold for the newborn. It _was_ winter, after all. 

She remembered making her way to his crib once she knew everyone was asleep, and gently picking him up by his armpits. He didn’t cry, only stared up at her with those big, innocent eyes, his small, chubby hands outstretched towards her face. _He was such a good baby,_ Pearl bit her lip as a fresh wave of grief clawed at her heart. 

She had taken him to her room, determined to end this pitiful being’s existence and bring back her beloved Rose. Pearl recalled the way she had clasped her fingers around his gem, gripping it with a snarl, tensing her body and preparing to rip it out with as much force as she could muster. She gasped, eyes wide, and let go when Steven placed his little hand on top of hers, smiling widely with his gums. She had been crying then, though she didn’t realize it. What she did realize was that she had almost killed the thing that Rose had wanted the most in the world. She had almost killed_ Rose’s son._ She knew that even if it worked, even if Rose came back, their old leader would never forgive her. Pearl wasn’t so sure she’d even forgive herself. She vowed from that moment on that nothing would ever harm the child in her arms.

But ultimately, she had failed him. Just as she’d failed Rose.

“So” Amethyst’s voice shook Pearl from her morbid thoughts, making her turn her head to look at the short gem. Amethyst was sitting awkwardly now, looking at Pink Steven as she pieced together a sentence. Everyone was watching her expectantly, even Lapis, who had calmed down since her previous breakdown, courtesy of Peridot. “What do we even call you now?”

She motioned to Pink Steven, face morphed into a frown as she stared at him rigidly. He gazed at her for a moment, face blank, as if he was trying to figure out if she was serious. His formed glitched once, making everyone wince. “Steven” He replied simply, his voice, at least, unwavering. This made Amethyst, and pretty much everyone else, even more uncomfortable.

“Well, how about Pink Stev-” Peridot cut herself off as she received a glare from the boy in question, shrinking in shame as she tried to cower behind Lapis. Lapis looked up, eyes a little brighter, though that wasn’t saying much; a heavy weight was still settled in the blue depths.

“I’ve been calling you ‘Ven’ in my head” She admitted sheepishly, looking away as all gazes turned to her. Pearl had to admit, she quite liked that name. _It certainly fits the situation. Half of the name, half of the person._ She couldn’t tell what Pink Steven was thinking, however, because his face revealed nothing but indifference. 

“My vote’s on Pink Steeb” -Amethyst shrank too when a glare was sent her way- ”Or just Steeb” She tried, shrugging and smiling awkwardly. Lapis snorted, making nearly everyone send her shocked looks, which made her pause and look down in embarrassment. Pearl didn’t know why she felt anger boil in her chest. _How can she be so happy? Doesn’t she have any idea of how small the chance of getting Steven back is? Doesn't she realize how close we are to losing him for good?_

“Oooh, I like that one” Garnet smirked, crossing her arms as the air around everyone suddenly grew way less tense. Garnet just had a way of altering the mood, Pearl supposed. 

After a moment of silent contemplation, Pearl swore she saw the slightest hint of a smirk on Pink Steven’s face. But maybe it was just the light, it was hard to tell. 

“I am Steeb,” He said, his voice still blank yet somehow conveying confidence. Amethyst promptly broke down into laughter, causing Peridot to do the same. Pearl let out a small snicker herself as Garnet chuckled softly. Bismuth chortled too, hers loud and bellowing. Pearl noticed Lapis try and hide her small smile as she tittered softly as well. Everyone was laughing now. Everyone except Pink Steven and the body in his arms, at least. Pearl supposed that would have to do. 

Suddenly, Bismuth gasped, braking off the chain of laughs as she pointed out the window above the controls, her finger extended towards a planet. _Earth._


	16. Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyy! Guess who's back! I'm sorry I took so long to post this one, things got out of hand here. This is the longest chapter so far with a word count of 1791 words. Phew! Anyways, enjoy! <3

Pearl quickly seated herself in the pilot’s chair, turning to grab hold of the controls. Nearly everyone can up behind her to watch out the cockpit window, with the exceptions of Lapis and Pink Steven, who were still huddled against the wall. Pink Steven was still glitching, his form wavering unsteadily. Pearl grit her teeth when they re-entered the atmosphere, fighting to keep a grasp on the control panel. The chatter behind her certainly wasn’t helping her focus, however.

“What will we tell Greg?”

“And Connie?”

“What if Rose’s fountain doesn’t work? What then?”

“It will work. It has to.”

“You’re too close to me, back up”

“Lapis, are you okay?”

“How much longer until we arrive?”

“Make sure to land near the Temple” Garnet reminded Pearl, gently touching her shoulder when Pearl had veered off course. Pearl whipped her head around, eyes wide and pupils small. 

“Stop talking! Let me focus!” She hissed, struggling to keep the ship going straight. Pearl was terrified of crashing, using all her strength to turn the ship back towards the Temple. Everyone was silent as they neared the ground, the ship rattling around them as Pearl landed it on the shore. The sand billowed beneath it, disturbed by the harsh docking as Pearl reared back, pulling at the controls to grind the ship to a halt. When it finally settled, she let out a deep breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. For a moment, everyone was still, staring with wide eyes at the Temple, afraid of what would happen once they entered.

Except for Pink Steven, who immediately got to his feet and pressed his hand to a panel on the wall and opening the latch that led to the ground. As he jumped down onto the sand without a word, glitching intensely, human half still cradled gently in his arms, everyone turned to look with shocked expressions. Eventually, Amethyst sped after him, Bismuth close on her heels. Peridot was about to exit as well, before pausing and turning to stare at Lapis. Racing back, she carefully grabbed the taller gem’s hand and led her out of the ship, worry clear on her face. Pearl lifted herself out of her seat, still dazed from the landing, and halted as Garnet grabbed her shoulder a little stronger than Pearl thought that she meant to.

“What is it, Garnet?” Pearl asked after a moment of tense silence, watching as the others scrambled towards the house. Garnet paused, as if about to speak, before seemingly changing her mind. She let go of Pearl’s shoulder and started out of the ship.

“Nothing, let’s go,” She replied as she disappeared over the edge of the latch. Pearl blinked in confusion before following, dashing after her friends and racing up the stairs at the same moment that the others entered the building. 

It was dark. That was the first thing that Pearl noted, the lack of light messing with her eyes, a painfully stark contrast to the bright day outside. She noticed everyone but Pink Steven blink as their eyes adjusted as well. The glowing pink boy was just about the only light in the place, albeit flickering while the boy’s flickering form grew more erratic, as he slowly made his way to the warp pad. Pearl quickly noticed with a jolt that the bathroom light was on as well, the same moment a toilet flushed and the door opened, making Pink Steven stop halfway across the room to stare at the person who had exited. Pearl noticed Garnet tense, hands balled tightly into fists.

Greg stared at the gems wide-eyed, hand still grasping the doorknob as he paused in the doorway. “Oh-! Hey guys! You’re back! I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been staying here, I just figured that since you guys weren’t here I would-”

He trailed off as his gaze abruptly landed on the body in Pink Steven’s arms.

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped as he subconsciously made his way over to his child, halting right in front of Pink Steven and gasping, reaching out a shaky hand as if to touch the still body. Pearl shared a quick, worried glance with Amethyst. _Oh no._ Greg instantly retracted the hand, however, as his breathing grew quicker and he clutched his chest, eyes bulging while he staggered backward. 

“Greg!” Amethyst squealed, rushing to his side and lowering him onto the couch with a hand on his back, worry plastered onto her face. He was breathing in short, irregular gasps, chest heaving as he fought for air. Pearl sent a shocked look at Garnet. _Is _this _what you were going to tell me? Did you see this happening?_

“_S-Steven--_” That was the only thing Greg managed to squeeze out between gasps, clutching both his chest and the arm of the couch like a lifeline. Then a frightful thought struck Pearl like a brick as she stared at the hand that was grabbing his chest. _Is Greg having a _heart attack??? 

“Greg, Greg look at me” Garnet spoke, gently pushing Bismuth aside as she crouched next to the devastated man. Greg struggled for a moment, before eventually tearing his gaze away from his son’s bloody, unnaturally limp form and redirecting it towards the towering gem, eyes extended in horror. Garnet removed her shades and stared at the man with all three eyes, something she usually only did when she was serious or concerned. 

“He-He’s not- He can’t be-” Greg stumbled over his words, now gripping Garnet’s arm instead of the couch’s, eyes wide and pleading as if begging the tall gem to tell him it was fake. To tell him that his son wasn’t gone. When Garnet nodded mutely he choked on a sob, letting go of her arm and using it to wipe his face instead. Garnet tensed once again, her third eye wide, and she placed her hand on his shoulder. 

“Greg, I know you need to mourn. But listen to me, if we leave now, you might not have to” She turned and motioned for Pink Steven and the rest of them to go. Pink Steven didn’t need to be told, and he was already standing on the warp pad. Pearl hesitantly turned to follow him as the rest of the gems did the same, heads down and eyes downcast. Once they were all huddled on the warp pad, Garnet got to her feet and turned to join them, halting when Greg grabbed her wrist.

“Wait, please don’t leave me here! I want to come too! _Please.”_

Garnet stared at him for a moment before shaking her head sorrowfully. Pearl had to agree with Garnet’s decision. He would just slow them down, and they needed to go _now. _

“I’ll stay with him” Lapis offered at once, seemingly relieved that there was an excuse to be away from the flickering light that was Pink Steven and the body he was carrying. Lightly stepping off the warp pad, she crossed the room to sit beside Greg, rubbing circles in his back as he broke into sobs. Peridot looked torn between staying with Lapis and going to try and fix Steven, before she eventually leaped off the warp pad and dashed to sit beside Lapis, apparently deciding that the two needed emotional support more than the gems needed her to go with them. Pearl figured she was also not too keen on being apart from Lapis, if her brokenness when the blue gem had been shattered was anything to go by. 

“Let’s go” Pink Steven’s voice was barely audible, weak and unsteady just like his form, which glitched and nearly faded to non-existence at the end of his small sentence. When the warp pad activated, Pearl bit back guilt as Greg’s head snapped up and he stared wide-eyed at the sound of Steven’s monotone voice. Then they were engulfed in the warp stream, with Amethyst grasping tightly to Garnet’s leg, as if afraid she didn’t have the energy to stay upright as they floated upwards through space. Bismuth looked uncomfortable, flinching whenever Pink Steven glitched beside her. His eyes were wide open, though he wasn’t staring at anyone. He had lifted up his shirt with one hand, staring at the crack that now covered most of his gem.

“You’ll make it” Pearl was certain that Garnet had read the boy’s mind, because his gaze whipped over to her in an instant, pupils pricked. 

When they appeared at the entrance to Rose’s fountain, Pearl watched numbly as Pink Steven dashed off, leaving everyone else behind as he moved determinedly towards the water, form flickering madly. By the time everyone reached him, he was just in front of the healing water, on his hands and knees as he stared at the sand below him. He was barely visible now, his crack braking his form into pieces as he struggled to right himself. Steven’s body lay splayed in front of him, eyes still thankfully closed. Pearl once again found herself trying not to look at the gaping wound in his stomach, afraid of making herself sick.

“I can’t” Pink Steven’s voice was heart-stopping, shuttering and shattering the air around him. He sounded almost like he was in pain, voice breaking as he dug his fingers into the sand. _He’s so close! _Pearl felt her heart drop._ He can’t give up now!_

“You _have _to!” Bismuth called back, racing towards the collapsed boy and picking him up, half carrying-half dragging his shuddering form into the water. Garnet followed close behind, Steven’s pale, frail frame hanging limply in her arms. She gently laid him in the water at the same moment that Pink Steven landed in the tears. 

Suddenly, the gem embedded in Pink Steven’s navel glowed, the light blinding at first, then awe-inducing as Pearl found herself unable to look away. The crack slowly retreated, until the gem was fully healed and Pink Steven stopped glitching, his form settling into a familiar bright pink. His gaze flashed to Steven, and Pearl abruptly realized that the body hadn’t moved. _No. No, he has to! This has to work! It was supposed to work! Why isn’t it working??!_

Everyone watched Pink Steven slowly wade through the water towards his other half in complete silence, tears making their way to everyone’s eyes. When he reached him, Pearl dully noted that the wound and all the blood were gone from the unmoving body, presumably healed by the tears. Pink Steven silently ran a now steady hand along his other half’s chest, moving the body into his own arms once again.

When he looked up, there was no doubt that there was a tired look in his eyes. Pearl felt her heart stop.

“He’s gone”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And no, Greg was not having a heart attack. Poor guy just had a panic attack, actually.


	17. Mourning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! I wasn't very happy with this chapter but oh well. I hope y'all like it, anyway! <3

Pearl knew that moment was the moment it really sunk in for everyone. _Steven is _dead. _He’s gone._ Pink Steven’s words played on repeat in her mind, constantly making her eyes sting with tears that wouldn’t come. 

They had brought Steven back, not surprised to see Greg still seated on the couch, hunched over with his head in his hands. Lapis and Peridot were on either side of him, trying to console the poor man. His head lifted at the sound of the warp pad, hope daring to spark in his eyes. She saw that flicker die in his eyes as they trailed over the gems and rested on Steven’s still unmoving body. _At least there isn’t a wound in his stomach anymore,_ Pearl thought bitterly, crossing her arms uncomfortably and looking away as Pink Steven made his way past Greg and up the stairs beside him.

“N-no, you-you said you would fix this! You said you would fix him!” Greg cried desperately, eyes clouded with grief. Pearl was certain that he would have leaped up and attacked Garnet right then, had Lapis and Peridot not held him back. He struggled against them, snarling furiously at Garnet like a wild animal. “You said you would fix my son! You killed him! _You killed my child!” _

Garnet let out a shaky sigh in the face of this outrage, reaching under her shades, of which she had promptly reformed when they had stepped onto the warp pad, and wiping away the tears beneath them. “I’m sorry” She whispered, voice taut with such uncharacteristic, fragile emotion that made Greg’s eyes widen and his face immediately soften. “_I’m sorry”_

“It wasn’t Garnet’s fault” Bismuth defended her leader, resting a hand on Garnet’s shoulder comfortingly as the tall gem wept silently, trying to catch each tear before it could trail down her face. “It was mine” Greg whipped around to stare at Bismuth as his anger returned full force.

“_You! _You did this! How could you? He’s just a child--was--” Greg stumbled over his words, gaze flashing around wildly as tears spilled over from his eyes, drenching his face. He grit his teeth before all the rage died out of him at once, the man sinking back into Lapis’ and Peridot’s arms with a shaky sigh. “He was only fourteen. He didn’t even make it to his sweet sixteen-” He cut himself off with a sob, grabbing his head again with one hand as he trembled amidst each harsh cry. Lapis gently picked up Steven’s phone off of the table, though Pearl wasn’t paying too much mind to her. 

Pearl covered her mouth with her hand, suddenly hating herself for letting this happen to Steven. She hated the Diamonds for doing this, and Bismuth for making the stupid weapon they used to do it. She hated Rose for lying and making her lie as well, and Greg for being here at the wrong time. She hated Lapis for getting herself shattered and she hated Peridot for not freeing them when she had the chance. She hated Garnet because she_ should have seen this coming._ She hated Amethyst for pretending it was no big deal--and she hated _Steven_ for bringing all this grief to them in the first place. She paused in her lament, eyes wide with guilt as she realized what she had implied. _Steven. I could never hate Steven--how could I even say that? _

Then she realized with a jolt that his Pink counterpart was nowhere to be seen. Dashing away from the others and leaping up the stairs that led to Steven’s bedroom, she was stunned to find Steven’s human half gently tucked under his blankets with his arms crossing over his abdomen. _He looks like he’s sleeping. He seems so peaceful. He’s so _small. 

Nearly everyone had raced up behind her, wondering why she was suddenly so frazzled, their shocked gazes finding Steven as well. Amethyst was, surprisingly, the first to make her way to his bedside, sitting down beside it and curling in on herself, shaky breaths escaping her as she trembled. Greg sunk to his knees beside his child, brushing Steven’s cheek with his fingertips as he choked on tears and tried to ignore the sharp pain in his chest. Pearl sat down too, covering her mouth with her hands to stop herself from letting out a strangled scream. _How is this fair?! How could you let him die for something he didn’t do?! How could you let him martyr himself for his mother’s thousands-of-years-old fake cause?!_ Pearl didn’t know who she was asking these questions. She didn’t care.

“_Steven…_” Greg whispered, his voice a broken, soft whisper, a blatant contrast to his previous anger. Tears fell from the man’s eyes, landing on Steven’s face. Greg pulled his still son close, pressing a gentle kiss to his brow, then his temple, his hairline, his cheek, the tip of his nose, everywhere that he could reach; all the affection he should have given Steven when he was alive. Pearl had to look away when Greg started wailing, screaming for his son to come back, to stay with him, a horrible despair threatening to drown her.

“Please! _Please…_ Bring him back…Take me instead...” Greg sobbed, tucking Steven tightly against his chest, locked in his own world of grief. Drawing in a shaky breath, he gazed down at his son, who’s face was peaceful and relaxed. Pressing one more kiss between the boy’s closed eyes, Greg inhaled sharply, face contorted in agonized grief.

“Love you, Schtu-ball” He whispered, tears leaking down his face as he grit his teeth. Pearl looked away, unable to bear the depression around her any longer. She longed for fresh air and she stood, about to make her way outside, before being stopped by Garnet, who laid a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t” The leader murmured softly, not turning to face Pearl. Pearl stared at her for a moment in confusion before deciding that whatever future Garnet had seen required Pearl in the house. Pearl nodded once before sitting back down, drawing a still sobbing Amethyst into a hug, holding her as her shoulders shook violently. It seemed that the situation had finally hit Amethyst full force. Pearl rested her chin on top of Amethyst’s head, staring out the screen door to her right, tired, tear-stained eyes staring at nothing. As she listened to the sound of sobs all around her, Pearl realized that she had run out of tears about an hour ago.


	18. Connie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyy! Sorry for not posting yesterday, unexpected family plans. But we're changing things up a little and doing someone else's perspective! Just a warning, there might not be a new chapter tomorrow either since that's when I celebrate Thanksgiving. Anyway, love y'all! <3
> 
> (Warning: Implied suicidal thoughts)

Connie looked up from her book at the sound of a text notification on her phone. She was torn between ignoring it to finish her chapter or to open it and potentially start a conversation, but, upon seeing who the message was from, promptly closed her book with a sigh. Sitting up straight and placing her book beside her on the couch, she reached for her phone and swiftly entered her password, smiling to herself at her wallpaper; a selfie she took with Steven once at Funland. Opening up her texts, she frowned as she read the newest one.

“‘Get to the temple’? Why?” She muttered to herself, scrolling down as another text appeared. _‘Now’_ It read, only managing to confuse the girl even more.

“Wait a minute, weren’t Steven and the gems captured a few days ago?” She questioned quietly to herself, squinting at her phone despite the fact that her eyes were perfectly healed, courtesy of Steven. They had been for a while. She still kind of felt bad about it, as if she had to thank him somehow. She knew she didn’t have to, and that he definitely didn’t think she needed to, but she still kind of wanted to, just to make herself feel better.

She blinked at her phone as another text showed up, catching her off guard._ ‘Something happened’_-and another immediately after-_’It’s Steven’_

Panic suddenly spread through Connie’s chest, causing her breathing to pick up as her eyes widened. _‘What happened? Is he hurt?’_ She replied, mentally wondering how someone -probably one of the gems- managed to guess Steven’s phone password. 

_‘Just get here’_ That was all the information she needed in order to spring up and run for the door, grabbing her coat on her way. It _was_ winter, after all. “I’m going to Steven’s! I’ll be back before curfew!” She called to her mother, who she knew was in the kitchen, before racing out the door without waiting for a response. 

Pausing outside her door, she frantically looked around, searching for a certain feline. Sticking her middle finger and her thumb into her mouth and letting out a loud whistle that could be heard two blocks over, she waited impatiently for Lion to arrive. She didn’t know if he was nearby, but she had a gut feeling that he knew she needed him.

As if on cue, the large pink cat went flying out of a portal, skidding to a halt and roaring at Connie as if calling her to get on. Clamoring onto his back, she had to suppress a laugh at the dumbfounded faces of the citizens on the street, who were watching this interaction with wide, scared eyes. As Lion roared, creating another portal, Connie held on tight, bracing herself. Lion sped through it, the light swirling around her for a moment before they exploded onto the frost-bitten grass. Wait, grass? It took Connie about a second to realize that they were on the cliff above Steven’s house, the one that overlooked the ocean. Climbing off of Lion’s back, she frowned at him, putting her hands on her hips.

“Lion this isn’t the temple. We need to make sure Steven is okay,” She scolded, though Lion looked uninterested, his gaze straying to a point behind Connie. Turning to follow Lion’s gaze in frustration, she froze as she made out a figure sitting precariously close to the edge. Eyes widening and heart speeding up, she recognized the shape of Steven._ Why is he so close to the edge? Oh no, surely he’s not going to-? Is _this_ what the gems were talking about? _

Racing toward him blindly, hoping that she’d reach him before he made any brash decisions, she grit her teeth, tears making their way to her eyes as the chilly winter wind buffeted her face. When she reached his side, she stopped, feeling as though her heart stopped with her. Steven was all pink, glowing softly, and he didn’t look up when she came up behind him.

“Steven?” She asked uncertainly, worried gaze trailing down the steep drop below, the one that Steven was currently dangling his feet over. She reached out a hand, gently laying it on his shoulder, hoping for a reaction. He was so quiet. It was unlike him.

“Steven’s gone” He replied at last, voice monotone and without any feeling. Connie felt her heart rate pick up. _That doesn’t sound like Steven. Not the Steven I know._

“W-what do you mean?” She questioned, cautiously seating herself beside him, wary of the edge. She looked into his eyes when they shifted to her, surprised to see his pupils resembled diamonds. What was wrong with him?

“He died on Homeworld. _I_ died on Homeworld” He spoke simply, as if that explained anything. Now Connie was really afraid, panic making her throat tighten. She knew Steven was a hybrid, of course, but she was just now realizing what that could mean. 

“You _died?” _


	19. The Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this one hit me hard. Poor Connie, man. 
> 
> (Warning: Mention of torture (non-graphic) and suicide attempt)

Connie was sure that Pink Steven was expecting her to break down into sobs once he had explained as everyone else had, but she had always been strong. He explained how he was imprisoned when the gems were captured, and how they had tortured him, trying to figure out how the hybrid worked. His weaknesses, his faults, anything that they could use to their advantage. He told her about how they had blamed him for Rose’s crimes, and how he hadn’t objected, instead letting them drag him out to be chained to the floor and executed. Though she had covered her mouth with her hands in shock, Connie didn’t start wailing like Greg or have a mental breakdown like Lapis. She stood, or rather sat, her ground, staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish the story. 

He told her about how he hadn’t died right away. How his gem half formed, sharing half of his human counterpart’s vision. How he had struggled, trying to crawl towards his gem part but failing due to the chains. How the last thing his human part saw before he died was the gems breaking free of their shackles and confronting the guards. Moments after his human half died, he had expelled all the energy that was being thrown at him, knocking everyone to the ground in pure rage. He told her that he hadn’t recognized the emotion. He hadn’t felt it. He just knew it was there, somewhere. Because it was_ supposed_ to be.

“S-so, you brought him back to earth? The Diamonds let you go?” Connie questioned, wiping at her face absently, inching back a bit from the edge of the cliff, still wary of the fatal drop. A gem could shatter from a fall this high up. Pink Steven nodded silently, shifting to stare down at the steep dive below him with a tired look. Connie stood abruptly, turning to stare at him with a small, impatient frown.

“You can revive him. You have his powers, don’t you? Let’s go!”

“I _can’t_” He spoke, body tensing as he stared at her with a blank, yet strangely defeated gaze. Connie’s frown grew as she looked at him in confusion until he elaborated. “I tried. I can’t cry. I can’t _feel.”_

“Oh. Well, can we at least move away from the cliff? Don’t want to fall on accident!” She laughed nervously, swallowing back a lump of fear in her throat as she reached a hand out to Pink Steven, who stared at it dumbly. Then he jerked his head away, a slight frown plastered on his face.

“I can’t” He replied, his voice suddenly containing a hint of darkness that made Connie’s eyes widen. She grabbed his shoulder gently, slightly tugging at him and trying to get him to move. He didn’t budge.

“Why not?” She asked, her fear evident in the high-pitched tone of her voice. Her gaze flashed between the boy and the fall nervously. She recognized the glint in his eyes. It was the expression of someone who was about to make a horrible choice. She had seen it before, in one of the kids at her school that had left class for the day with a smile. They didn’t come back the next day, or any day after that. She knew what they had done, she wasn’t stupid. She’d seen it in movies too, though of course, those weren’t real. Not like that. Not like _this._

She never wanted to see that look on Steven.

“I’m not whole. It’s wrong-I can’t- I can’t _feel._ It’s not worth living here. Not without emotions. Not without _him.” _

“Steven, s-stop it! D-don’t talk like that!” Connie roughly grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet as he whirled around to glare at her, pupils pinpricks as his gaze bore into hers. She was frantic now, terrified for her friend and desperate to change his mind, tears making their way down her face. She tugged him towards her a step, pulling him away from the cliff, teeth grit as she poured all of her strength into it. He barely moved, save the single step. He was just as strong, if not stronger than Steven ever was, which made Connie question if this was a physical manifestation of Steven’s full potential as a gem, or if Steven had been holding back all his life.

“Tell the gems I’m sorry” With that spine-chilling sentence, spoken in the most monotone pitch, Pink Steven shoved her harshly to the ground and turned, dashing towards the edge as if taking a running start before a leap-

“_**NO!**_” Connie had never moved quicker in her life, throwing herself at the glowing pink version of her friend and tackling him to the ground just as he got one foot into the air above the drop. She was surprised he had gone down, given how much force it had taken to even pull him forward a step. He grunted and thrashed in her grip, trying to throw her off so he could end it all. Now Connie was the one that refused to budge, wrapping her arms around Pink Steven as she cried, screaming at him to stop and stay. Willing him to choose _life. _

_**“Let me go!” **_He screeched, the sound making Connie grit her teeth and squeeze her eyes shut in pain, only tightening her hold on the boy. He snarled at her, the sound animalistic and so wrong coming out of Steven’s mouth. She hugged him as she sobbed, burying her head in his chest, realizing just how close she had been to losing Steven permanently. He seemed to notice her tears because his struggles gradually died down and he stopped growling, and if Connie had looked up she would have seen that his eyes were wide with something akin to fear.

Slowly, his arms snaked around Connie as well, his grip gentle and unsure, as if he had forgotten how to hug. She whimpered slightly at the thought of her affectionate Steven not knowing how to hug, which caused Pink Steven to tighten his grip way harder than he needed to.

The world was silent for a moment as the two wrapped each other in a desperate hug, one not sure how to stop sobbing and one not knowing how to sob in the first place. Pink Steven stared down at Connie for a moment before closing his eyes and leaning into her, creating a spark in between them as his glow spread to her and they fazed into each other, creating someone else. 

Stevonnie laid on the frost-bitten grass, the same and yet oh-so different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, hey Mxl6w94? Imma have to ask u to stop being so good at guessing future plot points lmao
> 
> I didn't answer ur Stevonnie comment cuz I was like pppfffbt how did they know?? That I was gonna do that??


	20. Connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than usual, sorry about that folks! Hope y'all enjoy anyway! <3

The first thing Stevonnie was aware of was pure, breathtaking pain. They felt as though they were being torn apart at the seams, their mind shattering into pieces as they struggled to keep a grip on themself. Grass tore under their grip when they dug their fists into the ground as a way to hopefully release some of the intense agony, though the effort remained fruitless.

“Augh! _Hurts-!”_ They screeched, tears welling in their eyes as they felt their insides being torn apart. Part of them knew that they should feel better. That the pain wasn’t supposed to be there. Pink Steven had fused with a human! Why didn’t he feel whole? Connie was terrified, having never experienced this kind of pain before._ Not whole-need to be-need-**H E L P !**_

Stevonnie let out a horrible, piercing shriek of anguish as they tried to un-fuse, only to be stopped from doing so by a part of themself. _Stay! I need to be whole-we-need-human-piece-! Stop! Let me go! I don’t want this-please! It hurts!_

They collapsed onto the ground, breaking apart and leaving two children panting on the frost-bitten grass. Connie had tears in her eyes, staring at Pink Steven as if he’d attack her, panic tightening her throat as tears streamed down her face, warm against the chilly winter air. She gulped in heaving breaths, fighting back terror, as Pink Steven numbly put a hand to his face, looking down at his fingers with a blank stare. They were wet. Was he crying? There was a moment of silence as the two stared at each other, both frozen in anticipation as they awaited the other’s move.

Finally, Pink Steven broke the stunned silence. “Why did you un-fuse?”

“_W-what?!”_ Connie spluttered, eyes wide in angry disbelief, suddenly wondering if Steven had always been in pain when he was fused together. _“Why? _Because it _hurt! _Everything hurt and something was missing but I didn’t know _what _and-” 

She cut herself off as she stared into Pink Steven’s empty, tear-filled eyes, her angry words suddenly dying on her tongue. Her face softened and she crawled closer to him, gently taking his hand in hers. He visibly flinched when she touched him, eyes widening with a brief flash of apparent fear that made Connie’s heart twist in her chest. 

“That-that’s how you’ve felt this whole time, isn’t it?” She questioned gently, gazing at him in pity as he looked away, his conflicted thoughts evident in his scared eyes. It seemed as though fusing with Connie had given him a brief moment of emotional clarity, where he could recognize his emotions and truly _feel._ “Broken. Wrong. Empty. Lost.”

“I-” He trailed off, curling his lip and looking at her with defeated eyes. Connie reached out and gently brushed a tear off of his cheek with her thumb, eyes kind and sympathetic. She carefully pulled him into another hug, careful not to let herself fuse again--that was an experience that she never wanted to relive. Pink Steven slowly wrapped his arms around her again, still unsure of himself and his strength. She could feel him sniffling against her and she let tears fall from her own eyes as well. Broken spirits and bleak hopelessness surrounded the two for a moment as they held each other in silence.

“He can’t be gone” Connie eventually mumbled into Pink Steven’s shoulder, choking on a sob as he gripped her way too tight and _sobbed._ The following gasp from Connie was more of shock than pain, really. She couldn’t blame him. He was in so much pain and she was happy to hold him as he truly cried, his sobs shaking them both. She supposed that he could feel like this because of how close he was to her--and how she was a human just like his other half. He had connected with her. She gently rubbed circles into his back, whispering reassurances that she wouldn’t remember later. 

When they pulled away, Pink Steven was reaching to wipe his eyes with his hand, to staunch the tears that free-fell down his chubby face. Suddenly, Connie was struck with an idea. “Wait! Stop!”

She grabbed his wrist, effectively halting the wide-eyed pink boy, who stared at her with his signature blank gaze once more. It seems as though he wasn’t feeling anymore. Connie then stood, pulling the confused boy after her by the wrist, sprinting as fast as she could down the hill and towards the Temple. 

“What are you doing?” He questioned, voice once again monotone as he gazed at her intently, tears still falling down his face, though they were being carried off by the wind that whipped their faces. She turned her head as she smiled slightly back at him, not breaking stride.

“You’re crying! You can heal him!”


	21. Conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Thank you all for reading, this was a lot of fun to write! I might make a follow-up story that deals with Steven's recovery, but no promises! Love y'all! <3

When Connie and Pink Steven reached the Temple, the front door was already open. Without a second thought, Connie raced in, a crying Pink Steven in tow, and whipped her head around, searching for Steven’s human half. She wasn’t prepared to see him, she knew, but she had no choice. Garnet was standing beside the door--_so _she _had been the one holding it open_\--and she pointed silently towards the loft that was Steven’s room. Now that Connie really listened, she could hear quiet sobs coming from that area too. Mentally preparing herself to see the dead body of her best friend, she turned and dashed up the stairs, dragging Pink Steven after her by the wrist.

She was not prepared enough for the sight she was met with. Greg was hunched over his son, tears streaming down his face as he lamented and wailed. Pearl was hugging Amethyst, and she looked up when Connie entered, though she didn’t say anything. Lapis and Peridot were huddled together, with Peridot sobbing while Lapis held her close, tears brimming in her own eyes. On the ground beside the two was Steven’s phone, which led Connie to the conclusion that one of the two had been the one texting her. It was probably Lapis, considering that she was the more stable of the two at the moment. Bismuth sat beside them as well, on the opposite side the phone was on. She had an arm around Lapis and was quietly comforting the two. Garnet came up behind Connie, lightly placing her hand on the child’s shoulder as Connie stared at Steven’s unmoving body in pure horror.

“S-Steven” She whispered, bringing her free hand up to her mouth as she choked on tears. He was incredibly pale, and his skin took on a slight ashy gray hue. He was laying on his bed under his blankets as if he were sleeping, eyes closed peacefully. His mouth was ajar slightly, though she doubted it had been that way for long as it seemed as if he had been jostled and it had probably fallen open recently. She inadvertently let go of Pink Steven’s hand as she stumbled forward, shrugging off Garnet’s hand and sinking to her knees beside Greg, who turned to look at her for a moment before staring at his son once more. He looked empty, sad, and tired. But mostly empty. 

She spared a glance back at Pink Steven, who was staring at her with wide eyes. It seemed as though everyone was feeling a little empty inside. Then she jumped up, suddenly remembering why she had even come in here. She snatched Pink Steven’s wrist again and led him to the bedside where she had been sitting, standing beside him as he sat down next to Greg. When Greg turned to see who was seated next to him, and why they were_ glowing,_ he nearly had a _real_ heart attack. He jerked backward, nearly crashing into Steven’s bedside table.

“Steven?” He whispered, confusion and horror mixing together to form his expression as he stared at what was practically a ghost of his son. Pink Steven stared back, blinking at Greg for a moment, before turning and leaning closer to his human half, casting a pink glow over his peaceful face.

“Not quite” He replied to Greg as he put his hand on his human doppelganger’s cheek, gently turning his head so he could see his face better. Nearly everyone turned to look at them, expecting something magical, perhaps. Even Peridot and Amethyst looked up wearily, their faces a garbled mess of tears and spit. After a moment of silence, Pink Steven looked up at Connie questioningly, as if asking her for help. She couched down and placed a hand on Pink Steven’s back, rubbing circles in it as she had done on the cliff. He stared at his human half’s face once more, and Connie could practically feel the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that raged inside his head. Finally, he bent his head down, pressing his forehead to his human half’s as he closed his eyes and let tears fall onto the unmoving boy’s face. At first, nothing happened, and Connie could see utter despair flash in Pearl’s eyes. Amethyst looked away, crestfallen, and Peridot buried her face in Lapis’ abdomen. Bismuth grimaced and tightened her grip on Lapis’ shoulder as Garnet slowly shook her head in sadness. Greg looked thoroughly bewildered, his gaze flashing to each of the gems in turn before landing on Steven’s body. Connie noticed Pink Steven heave a shaky, strangely resigned, sigh.

Then, Connie watched in awe as Steven’s skin started to change color, turning radiant pink. His hair changed color too, shifting from dark brown--almost black--to light pink. Connie absently remembered when Steven told her once that he was thinking of dying his hair pink. She supposed now he didn’t have a choice. Everyone stared in shock as Steven’s face moved. It scrunched up for a moment and Steven let out a low groan, making everyone but Pink Steven jerk away from him in surprise. 

When Steven opened his eyes, everyone was on him, asking questions and touching his face, his hands, his hair, his arms. It was clear that Steven had instantly panicked, as he shrunk back into the bed and let out a small half-gasp half-whimper. Everyone’s faces shifted to ones of concern and Connie noticed Pink Steven struggling against Bismuth, who was trying to shove her way forward with everyone else. Connie growled, anger flaring up inside her.

“Back up!” She yelled, mentally kicking herself as Steven let out another scared, pained noise. When the gems and Greg turned to her with wide eyes and reluctantly backed up, Pink Steven darted forward and wrapped his arms around Steven in a very similar way as he had done with Connie on the cliff. Steven’s face lit up and he hugged back, laughing quietly. Connie grinned to herself when she saw Pink Steven’s face light up with a smile as well, the two laughing as they began to glow and fuse. Then it was just Steven.

“Ugh. What-what happened?” He asked carefully, surveying the startled faces around him with a grimace. He was clearly thinking about how mad they must be at him for giving himself up. Connie rolled her eyes.

“Steven!” Greg was the first to move, nearly tackling his son into a hug as he cried tears of relief. The gems, especially Pearl and Bismuth, were shaking as they choked on tears of joy too, faces drawn tight in shocked delight. Steven wrapped his arms around Greg, beaming as tears ran down his face as well. 

“Dad!” He grinned, though to Connie it sounded more like he was putting a name to a face rather than calling out in joy. That was worrying, to say the least. As they all joined in the hug and practically smooshed Steven with affection, Connie included, she put all of her worries aside in favor of enjoying this moment. They could worry about that later. For now, they were all safe, and that’s all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This. This frickin story. Was supposed to be. 11 chapters long. At most. I nearly doubled that. How far we've come.

**Author's Note:**

> _if I could begin to be_   
_half of what you think of me_   
_I could do about anything  
_I could even learn how to love  
_like you___


End file.
